Still Adjusting

 


He (my son) hasn't been home for a week yet, and I'm still struggling with some of the adjustments. I wonder HOW did I do this before?  The answer is, I didn't really.  The person who lived with us for 18 years was a child who hadn't lived on his own.  Now he's an adult who's been on his own (sort of) and living a different life than what we have here.

Living in a small house with an adult child is a BIG adjustment.

Saturday my husband and I took a road trip to upstate NY.  I didn't think we'd be gone that long; we'd be home in time for dinner.  However, the trip took longer than anticipated (thank you construction) and we had a very late lunch which meant neither of us would want dinner.  I had my husband let our son know that he was on his own for dinner.  This is not a big deal right?   We got home around dinner time and my son declared there was nothing to eat in the house.  The pizza that I brought home from lunch was not acceptable, a sandwich is not dinner (unless he says it is), nor is soup.  We thought we had some Hormel chili in the house, but we didn't.  So we played musical cars and with the twenty that I gave him, he went to our local (overpriced) grocery store to buy a can. (Keeping the change; I said he could.)  We moved cars again once he was home and he made chili and rice for dinner for himself.  (I also think tortilla chips were involved because when I went looking for them on Sunday, they were gone.)

After the long drive (that wasn't supposed to be so long) and a couple of glasses of wine, I was ready to turn in.  Yes, I'm old; I go to bed early.  My son said he was going out, but he wasn't going to be driving. Around 9 that night that situation changed.  Now he WAS going to be the driver, so more musical cars were played.  (I probably should have let him move my car, but instead I went out in my pjs and moved my car from the driveway to the street.  I told my son he would have to move it back when he got home.  Overnight street parking is not allowed in my town; although plenty of people ignore that rule and never seem to get ticketed for it.  Now if I did it...) He went out and I was pretty much awake (dozing off, but never sleeping deeply) until he came home around midnight.

When he's away at school, I don't stay awake until he gets "home" (to his dorm).  He's in NYC till all hours, which if I think about it gives me a little anxiety, but not as much as him driving around our area at night.  I'm not saying it makes sense.  (When have I ever made sense?)  I need a way to work around my anxiety because this is not going to go away.  He's an adult with a different schedule than me.  (A much different schedule.)  I need to figure out a way to adjust.

When it comes to different schedules, let's talk about meals.  He's home so I feel that I should be providing dinner for him.  (At least for the most part.)  When I returned home from church Sunday (I didn't guilt my son into going with me...at least not this time), he said he would be home for dinner.  So in my head, I started to make a plan.  I could defrost some pork chops and bake them.  (Since it wasn't going to be too hot.)  However, later in the day he said he was going out with friends (not driving this time) and wouldn't be home for dinner.  Good thing I didn't start defrosting yet.  Then later, just as I was going to discuss what my husband and I were going to do, my son arrives home!  Turns out his friend (and the driver) had to be home for dinner!

The husband and I went grocery shopping this morning.  (Remember, there is nothing to eat in the house according to my son.)  We bought a few things that he had requested and I tried to figure out what to do about dinner.  Ground beef was on sale, so I bought a big pack figuring I could make spaghetti with meat sauce with half and freeze the other.  I also found some lamb shanks which my son and I love, but my husband hates, which I could put in the slow cooker.  Since it is going to get hot around here this week, I didn't want to cook anything in the oven.  But the question remains, when do I make what?  Since it's supposed to be hotter tomorrow, I'm thinking lamb tomorrow and spaghetti tonight.  But will my son be home?  I'm sure HE doesn't have plans...until he does.  And I can't ask because he's still sleeping.  So I guess I'm just going to wing it and hope for the best?

My son is an adult.  He is living at home.  I'm adjusting.  (Not always well.)  And I'm grateful that I have these adjustment challenges because it means that are a family.  We adjust and grow together.  How could I not be grateful for that?


Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 20, 2024 at 5:11 PM

    Easy for me to say as I live alone and do as I please. But, I do think it’s only fair to have some rules. A part time job might be an idea for one thing. He may be an adult, but all of us, no matter how old, continue to learn. Being thoughtful is very important. You are working and he is not. When he says he will be home for dinner he should be. He can help with shopping, even preparing meals, especially if he’s not working. I know it’s not easy, but you are helping him in the end. Be patient with yourself and good luck! Be a family and grow together.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 20, 2024 at 5:47 PM

    I plan dinner for three. They eat out don't. Left overs are a staple in the fridge

    ReplyDelete

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