What Can You Do When You Can Do Nothing?


I recently found out that a friend of mine is very ill.  What can I do?  She cannot have visitors.  She isn't really eating. I'm not a medical professional. What is she in need of?  What can I do?  I feel like I can do nothing.

 I can say that the first thing I did when I heard was get angry.  Mad at the unfairness of it all.  Mad at myself for not keeping in touch.  Mad at her for not telling me directly.  (I found out through the grapevine.)  And while anger is not unwarranted; it definitely isn't going to help the situation.  The world is an angry enough place; I don't need to add to it.  Putting negativity out there is definitely not what I want to do.

 What can I do?  

 Well, I can STOP beating myself up for not keeping in touch.  What's past is past and I can't change what I've done (or what I haven't).  What I CAN do is be present.  I can be available.  I can make it known that I am here should she want or need anything.  Even though I cannot be physically there for her (at least at this time), I can be there when she needs someone.

 I can also be positive.  I can try to lift her spirits with phone calls or emails.  At this point, I believe she prefers email.  And it's what SHE wants which is important.  So I will send emails to check in, to tell her funny stories and general life news.  With long and exhausting treatments most every day, the least I can do is provide her with something to at least smile about.  The opportunity to read something from me, but with no obligation to reply.

 I can also pray.  Even if I did not believe in the power of prayer, I could send out positive thoughts into the universe.  Positive energy may not be "healing" per se, but it can be helpful.  I don't expect my prayers to suddenly make her healthy.  But I can and will pray for all of the following:

  • That her treatments are healing and not too taxing
  • That she have strength when she needs it.
  • That those who are treating her do so with love and compassion
  • That she find rest
  • That she find peace and calm in the middle of this storm
  • That she find laughter 
  • That she know that she is loved

I will also pray for the following:

  • Her family:  for strength, patience and faith
  • Her caregivers:  for knowledge and compassion
When I think of her, I will remember the laughter we have shared.  I will remember the good times.  I will send all of those thoughts out into the universe.  

When the time comes that I can do "something," I will.  For now, this is what I CAN do when I can do nothing.

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