The Silence Experiment

How often have you been accused of talking too much?  Or how often have you been told that you are NOT listening?  Admit it, we're all guilty of this.  I'll freely (and ashamedly) admit it!  So for this week (?), I'm taking a literal break from talking, which I hope will make me a better listener.

I also have to confess that this experiment did not come out of any altruistic thought on my part. My family of three has been having a bit of a rough patch since Friday night with unkind words, focus and thinking.   I am not taking full responsibility for this mess, but I will take a good chunk of it.  Last night while I was speaking/repeating something that I thought bared saying again, my boys snapped.  I was talking too much about a particular thing; it was not the right time.  Angry, I shut up.  Feeling that my voice was not being heard or frustrated, I decided it was time to say nothing.  I committed to it with vigor and anger.  Never go to be angry?  I think we all did.

However, when I got up this morning (after a bad night's sleep; no surprise there), I got to thinking about my silence.  I have often stated (complained) that I am not being heard.  I've been told "you're not listening."  If I made a conscious decision NOT to talk and would it help me to listen better?  Would it help me to focus on other people words and needs?

No longer just about my anger I really got to thinking about it.  How could I do it?  After all, I work in an office.  I have conference calls every day.  How could I not speak?  So here are the parameters I set up for myself for the week.

• My boys are going to be angry at me because I am not sharing with them what I am doing.  (Unless they read this...which is probably not going to happen.)  I know that they think I am still angry, and I confess maybe I still am a little.  I did not speak this morning, but I did give good morning hugs and kisses.  I tried to show my love and caring through actions rather being verbal.  I did write my son a note that I put in with his lunch (something that I haven't done in a LONG time) and since he is a texting kid, that is how we've done some "talking."  I don't know how long this will last, but I'm planning on being non-verbal for at least a day.  After which I will follow my next step.

• I can't ignore a ringing phone or co-workers, but what I CAN do is only reply and not initiate.  To let other people take the lead.  I will not offer information unless asked to do so.  This is a little strange and awkward, but I think manageable.  I won't be the one who says "Good Morning" but if someone says it me, I will certainly respond in kind.  I will not be the first to speak in the elevator, but I WILL smile.  I am hoping that this will force me to listen and then thoughtfully and carefully respond.  This is not about me; it's supposed to be about them.  Will it turn out to be so?  We'll see.

• This also means no talking to myself...and believe me I do that A LOT!  I can talk to myself in my head, but not out loud.  No muttering under my breath.  No singing in the car.  Instead I want to focus on the sounds/noise around me.  Will I be more aware?  

What will come of all this?   I hope that by doing this, I will "force" myself to be more aware of MY word and really LISTEN to others.  I want to focus and hear what others are saying, instead of jumping in.  (Yes, I am extremely guilty of interruption.)  When response is necessary, I want to have heard what was said and carefully craft the words that will come out of my mouth.  I want to be more self-aware of my voice.  What else?  I don't know...maybe another blog post? Time, as always, will tell.