Dear Mom: Two Years

 


Dear Mom,

Well it's been two years since I last held your hand.  I can still remember the hospital room so clearly and how strange the whole day was.  And how rattled I was when I had to gather up everything and go "home." 

It was my home after that day; you left it to me.  But I didn't change the title until after dad's passing.  It didn't seem right.

And now mom, I've sold the house.  (Well almost, I've signed the paperwork, but the closing isn't for another couple of weeks.)  Once again, this time of year is incredibly overwhelming and emotional.

I know this was your dream home when you purchased it back in 1995.  (Or almost...the wallpaper in two of the bathrooms was incredibly ugly and you had to wait a few years before you were able to get it off and replace it with "normal" paint.  Those ugly blue flowers in the back bathroom will never be forgotten!)  You had waited so long to get the funds (inherited from your mother) to make this purchase and you were so proud.

This was YOUR home.  Almost everything in the house screamed your name.  You loved it.  And my greatest regret to this day is that I didn't bring you home in the end.  I wish you had been able to pass away in your bed, with a view overlooking the lagoon, instead of in a hospital bed with beige walls.

But the past is past.  Things have changed tremendously since 1995.  Things have changed tremendously since 2012 when Superstorm Sandy completely changed the landscape.  Things have changed tremendously since 2022 when you died.   I know you didn't like change and I'm not sure if you would still consider this place your Eden.

What I do know is that I can no longer afford to keep the house.  I think you knew that I would not be able to.  Would you be impressed that I managed to keep things going for 2 years?  Would you be sad?  I know I am.

While I know this is the right thing to do and I know that this is what I had to do, it is still painful and sad. You were a strong woman and you raised a strong woman.  While there have been (and will be) tears, I am strong.  While I leave the house to new owners, my memories will always be strong.  And so will the memories of your grandson and son-in-law

You were about my age when you purchased your dream home.  I'm hoping that I will be able to do the same.  I think that is what you would want for me.  

As I've said goodbye to you, I will soon say goodbye to the NJ shore and the house that you loved.  I will look forward, not back, something I think you would have done too.

I miss you.  I love you.

Me

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