Dear Mom: Two Years

 


Dear Mom,

Well it's been two years since I last held your hand.  I can still remember the hospital room so clearly and how strange the whole day was.  And how rattled I was when I had to gather up everything and go "home." 

It was my home after that day; you left it to me.  But I didn't change the title until after dad's passing.  It didn't seem right.

And now mom, I've sold the house.  (Well almost, I've signed the paperwork, but the closing isn't for another couple of weeks.)  Once again, this time of year is incredibly overwhelming and emotional.

I know this was your dream home when you purchased it back in 1995.  (Or almost...the wallpaper in two of the bathrooms was incredibly ugly and you had to wait a few years before you were able to get it off and replace it with "normal" paint.  Those ugly blue flowers in the back bathroom will never be forgotten!)  You had waited so long to get the funds (inherited from your mother) to make this purchase and you were so proud.

This was YOUR home.  Almost everything in the house screamed your name.  You loved it.  And my greatest regret to this day is that I didn't bring you home in the end.  I wish you had been able to pass away in your bed, with a view overlooking the lagoon, instead of in a hospital bed with beige walls.

But the past is past.  Things have changed tremendously since 1995.  Things have changed tremendously since 2012 when Superstorm Sandy completely changed the landscape.  Things have changed tremendously since 2022 when you died.   I know you didn't like change and I'm not sure if you would still consider this place your Eden.

What I do know is that I can no longer afford to keep the house.  I think you knew that I would not be able to.  Would you be impressed that I managed to keep things going for 2 years?  Would you be sad?  I know I am.

While I know this is the right thing to do and I know that this is what I had to do, it is still painful and sad. You were a strong woman and you raised a strong woman.  While there have been (and will be) tears, I am strong.  While I leave the house to new owners, my memories will always be strong.  And so will the memories of your grandson and son-in-law

You were about my age when you purchased your dream home.  I'm hoping that I will be able to do the same.  I think that is what you would want for me.  

As I've said goodbye to you, I will soon say goodbye to the NJ shore and the house that you loved.  I will look forward, not back, something I think you would have done too.

I miss you.  I love you.

Me

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We Have Taken America Back

Image
Back to a time when all men (and women) are not created equal.  Where women's healthcare is determined by men's laws and not by medical professionals. Where education tells only the "winning" side of the story and truth does not matter.  Where banning and burning books is a social event.  Where people who are "different" than those in power can be mocked, shunned and hurt with no real consequences. Where lies are acceptable and integrity is  just a word on a page We have moved into a time where rage is the rage.  Where hate is not just normal, but accepted and even cheered. Where leaders can ask to have their "enemies" killed and no one will bat an eye.  Where it's "funny" to see someone struggle.  Where felony is applauded. Where compassion is not shown and caring for others is looked down upon. We have taken America back to a time of pain and suffering for many.  Back to when the "haves" can have and the have nots don'
Read more

It's Not About Starbucks (or is it)?

Image
  About a block and a half from my home in a major intersection.  At the southeast corner (which is nearest to me), is an empty building.  Back in 1995 it was a Bank of NY (I remember this because they didn't shovel/de-ice their parking lot well and my husband fell and broke his ankle one Monday morning.  I recall this clearly because we were not yet married and it was the first day of a new job for me.  I had gotten on the bus to work and he was catching a later one; only he never got there.  Instead he ended up laying on the ground until an employee came to open up the bank.  Then he had them call an ambulance AND my mother who took control of the situation until I arrived home that night blissfully unaware of what had happened that day.)  It eventually became a Chase Bank; the second one in my small little town.  It eventually closed.  I'm not sure when but it's been empty for quite a long time.  (I do know that it was open in 2005 because the night before my son was bor
Read more

As Is

Image
  Today I want to discuss what I think it is a relatively simple concept, but may be difficult for some, even an attorney who might have once, over a decade ago won a  prestigious award  for young lawyers .  That term is "AS IS." As you may know, I volunteer in a thrift shop.  Everything we sell, from all the donations we receive, is "as is."  The items are not brand new.  They are not perfect.  That doesn't mean they aren't any good or worth something. They are sold "as is."  Buyers should go in knowing that. (After all you are shopping in a thrift shop!)  In some cases, particularly when we are offering higher end products, we will actually write on the price tag, "as is." Such is the case of two designer purses that I purchased from there this summer.  (I'm a purse-aholic!  Don't look in my closet.)  They were reasonably priced (especially when you consider the name brand), but each had an "as is" clearly marked o
Read more