I AM the Bad Guy

In the movies, the bad guy never knows he's the bad guy.  (I'm using the masculine, but hey we know that the villain  can be female too, right?  I'm sticking with the he because it's easier that way.)  Sometimes the bad guy is over the top, so he MUST know he is the bad guy.  But I don't think he (or she) necessarily does.  No one says "Hey you are the bad guy."  (Or maybe they do and I missed it...if so fill me in.)  The bad guy does what he does to get what he wants accomplished.  He wants to get his way pure and simple.  (Well, maybe it isn't pure and rarely is it simple, but you get my point right?).  The bad guy is looking out for his best interest.  He's getting what he wants.  In most cases, that's why he's the bad guy, because what he wants isn't for the greater good.  He wants what he wants.  He goes about his business not thinking "hey I'm evil" but rather thinking about himself and his goals.  Would he change if someone walked up to him and said,  "Hey, you're the bad guy.  You're evil.  You need to change your ways."?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Fact of the matter is, that he bad guy is rarely, if ever, told to his face that he is bad. 

I have been told to my face that I am the bad guy.  That I don't listen.  (Guess that experiment didn't work out too well.)  That I don't use my words carefully.  That my tongue is sharp.  That I am hurtful.  That I play the victim when I am the villain.  

There may be some truth to that.  But I certainly don't see myself that way.  (But then as I pointed out, the bad guy never does.)

I've also been called the crazy lady.  Maybe that's true in some ways as well.  (Although I had always hoped that I would have enough money to be eccentric and not crazy.)  I may be conventional is many ways, but I am often off the wall.  (I'm not ashamed of it either.)  I'll also admit that a little therapy never hurt anyone, but usually helped.  (If anyone out there is offering their services for free, I'm willing to consider.)

What I REALLY am is the angry and frustrated one. Not all the time, but...When I am angry and frustrated (which I will admit has been far too often recently),  I'm not afraid to say that publically.  (In fact I have done so more than once.)  If that makes me bad or crazy or whatever, then that is what I am.  In my mind (warped or not), whatever my feelings may be, they are valid and I am free to express them how I see fit.  That might not always be the wisest of choices, but I never claimed to be wise.

I claim to be human.  I'm not intentionally the bad guy.  I'm not intentionally the good guy either.  I'm just someone who is trying; as I'd like to believe me all are.  We are all trying in this crazy world.  Sometimes we are the good guys; sometimes we are the bad.  Sometimes we act deranged (which might just be the result of our passions) and sometimes we might act "sane" (though I dare anyone to completely define sanity when it comes to daily life.)

So what AM I saying?  Yes, I am the bad guy.  But I am also the good guy.  And when we look at one another let's TRY to see past the bad or the good and just see the fact that we are humans.