I Touch Myself?


"I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself..."

NO!  Wait!  That is NOT what I am talking about!


What I'm referring to is my unconscious and frequent touching of my face.  And while all know that during this pandemic (if that's what it's become?), we are NOT supposed to touch our faces. (Just as I wrote that, I scratched my nose.)

Just thinking about keeping my hands off my face makes my face itch. (I just scratched again!)  I will admit it I am a chronic face toucher.  I'm a face toucher, scratcher, hand rester, hair adjuster....And horror of horrors (please don't hate me or unfriend me), I...(I can barely admit it)...I've been known to pick my nose! (Insert dramatic music here!)  Furthermore, it seems the more I think about NOT touching my face, I DO touch it.  I am not a criminal, but I'm pretty darned close. 

Other than tying hands together (which wouldn't be very practical), all I CAN do is remember to wash my hands regularly. Confession:  I probably don't wash my hands as much as I should...I'm not unclean, but I'm not obsessive either!  In all honesty, I'm probably your average person who regularly washes, but sometimes forgets and we are definitely not talking about 20 seconds with warm water.  At least I didn't.  Now I stand at the sink singing whatever the popular tune is of the day that lasts 20 seconds.  (It runs the gamut from the church's Doxology to the opening chorus of "Sweet Transvestite" from The Rocky Horror Show.  Now that's going from one extreme to another, isn't it?

I'm also making an effort to cough into my elbow/arm.  (Not that I'm regularly coughing, but everyone gets dry throat or that annoying tickle every once in a while.)  No more hand coughing for me!  (Although for how many years did I cover my mouth with my hand?  It was ingrained into me at a very young age!)

I'm also trying to remember NOT to offer my hand to people.  Again, I grew up in an era where a firm handshake showed good character.  (For right or wrong, I DO judge people by the firmness of their handshake.  It's my character flaw.)  What do people do on job interviews these days?   Is it proper to fist bump your potential employer?  Just last weekend I saw a friend/mentor/former teacher and she had to ask me if it was okay if she gave me a hug.  (ANY disease be damned, there was no way I was NOT going to give this woman a hug!)

I realize that we have entered a new era in society.  The social norms that I grew up with need to be changed for hygienic reasons.  I will do my best to wave and not shake.  To sing (whatever song it might be) as I thoroughly wash my hands.  And I swear I will try NOT to touch myself...I mean my face!  (Get your heads out of the gutter people!  Who knows what germs reside there?!)

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