Stress Eater

All my life I have faced a challenge with my weight.  This is not news to anyone who reads this blog.  I've been on and off weight watchers.  (It works, WHEN you work with it.)  I've successfully lost a total of 44 pounds (from my highest weight) and as of this moment, I have lost a total of 34.  I never quite met my goal (although I did come close) and I continue to struggle.

Since I always try to be honest, I'm going to fess up and say that I've been battling the same 4 or so pounds since February.  I go down; I go up.  I am on weight watchers, though I confess, that for the past few weeks I've been throwing most of it out the window.  Which is why I can honestly say that the program DOES WORK; it's ME that is not working right now.  Even though I know what I need to do, I'm not doing it.  And while I fully admit that is DUMB.  However, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still not doing it.

I KNOW I need to modify my behavior.  Mentally, I know it.  But my impulses and need for self-gratification in the past couple of weeks have been overriding that.  NOT GOOD.

The past few weeks have been stressful for me.  It's not ONE thing; it's a wide variety of things that are coming at me from seemingly every direction.   Work has been stressful, so my baser impulses have kicked in and I'm grabbing every salty and sugary snack that I can and stuffing it THOUGHTLESSLY in my face.  When I get home, there are other stresses and I'm NOT eating what I SHOULD be; I'm just eating.  AND EATING! And, there is sometimes alcohol involved too.  (Alcohol can be big points in the WW world; something I tend to "sweep under the carpet.  That results in unpleasant scale surprises that shouldn't be surprises at all!)

As weight loss and health ARE a journey, not a destination, I KNOW that I need to re-evaluate what I am putting into my mouth and work towards making more conscious decisions.  I could whine and complain about how unfair it is that many WW 0 point items I cannot eat (due to food allergies), but that's not putting the focus on where it should be.  I don't need to be looking at what I CAN'T do, but what I can!  I need to be more focused and aware.  I need to think about ME.  I need to think about the long term and goals that I should set for myself.

That's probably not going to happen right away.  Each day is a fresh start and while I don't WANT to screw up, if I DO it's not productive to beat myself up about it.  I also need to remind myself that one misstep does not mean that the whole day has to go downhill.

I also need to focus and congratulate myself on the good things I am doing.  I AM doing good things.  I have been a consistent exerciser (walking, stationary biking and now "faux" Stairmaster) for over seven years.  I'd like to say that not a day goes by that I don't do some exercise, but truth be told, there are a few days (like holidays) where it might go by the wayside.  And while I HAVE been stress eating; I've also been trying to increase my exercise output.  I purchased a "faux"/portable Stairmaster (I don't know what else to call it) from "my" thrift shop and have been using it daily.  Let me just say:  it is KILLER!  I can only do 10 or so minutes at a time before my legs turn to rubber.  But I STILL keep at it.  And as "bad" as I may be when it comes to eating; I am STILL up every morning (weekdays that alarm goes off at 4:30) and doing it.  Or walking.  (Spring break was a GREAT week for walking with warm temperatures even in the early morning hours.  This week; not so much.  Hence the "faux" Stairmaster and indoor cycling.)  While extra exercise DOES NOT balance out bad eating habits, I am happy that I am staying on track in that regard.  (Although if my legs could talk, they'd be SCREAMING at me nonstop!)

If exercise has become a habit, why hasn't "good"/thoughtful eating become a habit too? I suspect there are quite a few emotional and other issues behind all that.  Anyone want to psychoanalyze me in 100 words or less?

It all comes back to focus.  Focus on the long term and NOT immediate gratification.  And that is HARD.  So if anyone has some tricks up their sleeve that they'd like to share, I'm hear and ready to give it a try.

For now, it's time to forgive the mistakes/missteps and continue down the road of a healthy life.  For if there weren't bumps and curves, it would be a pretty boring one.


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