Autumn Arrival

 

Autumn arrived officially yesterday.  I should be happy about that since this summer has completely and uttered sucked A**.  Which is really disappointing because the end of summer/early fall is my favorite time of year.  (I think of it as my own unique season:  Sumtumn.)  Summer 2023 has officially been the worst:  my father died, a good friend of his died (which I found out when I wanted to contact him about my father's passing), my cousin's wife died (who admired and adored), my aunt (by marriage) died and a neighbor/family friend died.  Five deaths in one season is way too much, even if I am entering "old age."  (It pains me to say that, but it's true and ageism has become a real thing in not just my work life, but in general life.)  Top this off with a bacterial/fungal infection in an "uncomfortable" place (would there be such a thing as a comfortable place for an infection?), which is SLOWLY starting to abate after a month and a half of a variety of treatments, a left knee (https://bfthsboringblog.blogspot.com/2023/01/knees-up.html) that acts wonky sometimes (something I will bring up when I go for a physical) and continued tinnitus in my right ear (most of the time not noticeable, but then...) and I AM (sadly) feeling my age.

The first day of autumn however, was also the day that tropical storm Ophelia made her presence known. I worried about the house at the shore (because I need more worry in my life), while driving out to see our son at college (https://wagner.edu/alumni-friends/wagnerweekend/).  Every time we have gone out to Staten Island it has rained.  (We've been 4 times.)  This time was the worst as we trudged across the campus to meet our son at the student union with bags of "stuff" for him.  (Including Mallomars which his roommate had never experience and I encouraged my son to share.)   We spent the majority of the time in his dorm room (I hope his roommate didn't mind too much), talking while my husband tried to figure out why he couldn't upload photos from his camera's SD card to his laptop. (Something that my expert husband was not able to fix, but DID come up with a solution.)  We did some shopping at the bookstore (so that I could purchase a sweatshirt...it was cold and damp), went to the gym for the activities that were supposed to be outdoors and ended up in the library talking for a while.  With the miserable weather, our son sent us home after only a few hours.  (Not that we were ever planning on staying for the football game in the late afternoon, but we MIGHT have if the weather had enticed us.)  Still, in the (relatively) brief time that we spent with our son, I can see that he is doing well and coming into his own.  Not becoming who I want him to be, otherwise the hair would have been cut, the ears wouldn't have gotten pieced, etc., but I HAVE realized what I want IS not what SHOULD be.  It doesn't mean I'm happy about it, but my mindset has definitely changed/evolved...probably not as much as it should, but maybe you can teach an old dog?  At least this old dog is open (or trying to be open) to new things.  I've met some of his friends (really quickly) and heard a little more about his ventures into NYC.  He says he's doing well in his classes and I'm thrilled that he's a volunteer student ambassador (where he will give campus tours...and maybe at some point down the road even get paid for it.) Wow!  He really is quite a young man!

Which has let me to think that his autumn might be a time for me to reflect on where I am headed in life, or where I want to head.  The past summer (actually the past 2 two years) has brought about a LOT of change in my life.  It's time (past time?) for me to evaluate where I want to go and what I want to do.  While I am too young to consider retirement (I still don't know if that will ever be something I can afford to consider), it IS time for me to focus on ME.  (Am I really saying that?)  How and where do I want to live?  What do I want my next 10, 20, 30 and hopefully more, years to look like?  I don't feel like I ever really had my own plan.  And so it is time to sit down and really think about it. 

It's pretty scary.  It's awful daunting.  However, it's time.  Not necessarily to make a change (or changes) right here and now, but to PLAN for change.  To have some sort of road map for where my life might go.

Stay tuned...and feel free to offer your own thoughts and words of advice as Bfth (finally) starts taking stock of life.