Three Months: Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

It's been three months (13 weeks).  Fall is truly here (the heat is on in the house and I'm dreading the oil costs this winter), but it is a beautiful sunny day.  If I recall correctly, it wasn't a sunny day three months ago.  I suppose that's not important, but as the months pass and memories start to fade out, it's unsettling.  I feel like it's important to remember the day and all of the details.  Instead all that comes back to me is that I ate half a Wawa pretzel in your room and I planned on going to Walmart that afternoon.  Which I obviously I didn't.  I didn't realize how close you were to the end.  Even though I knew that time was at a premium, I thought there would be more of it.

We are in the thick of looking at colleges...something I wish I could talk to you about.  Your grandson was actually up early and headed into NYC with two friends to go to an event:  SAIC Day In NYC.  Do I want him to go to Chicago when he graduates?  Hell no!  Do I think this is a good fit; not necessarily.  But I'm glad he's (sort of) exploring on his own.  (Think this was mostly encouraged by friends who in addition to going to the admission event want to explore the city.)  He definitely wants independence and I'm (trying) to let him have it.  (Although you know I'm a control freak who is having a hard time letting go.)

Personally, I think Cazenovia is the best fit for him; although the 4 hour drive is definitely a minus.  Wagner is also a really great fit and is the type of campus he wants (traditional) while also being considered city.  I'd be happy with either of those, but time will tell.  I'm pushing him to get pre-admissions stuff done.  He has requested two letters of reference from teachers (one art, one history).  He needs to fill out his own student sheet, start a resume (a resume?) and scariest of all the common application.  Steve has started the FAFSA which is also frightening.  Big changes coming; life is changing rapidly and I'm really wishing you were here to share it all with us.  (Mostly so I could just vent it all to you.)

Other big change; he got his driver's license.  I'm petrified.  He took my car out for a drive to Walgreens (only .5 miles from the house) and I was a wreck.  He hates my car, but now he wants to drive.  I am bringing him down to the shore and letting him drive your car around.  I know you wanted him to have it.  I don't know if it will fit him.  (Wait till he figures out that he can't connect his phone to the car because it's too old.)  I'm going to try to be brave and let him drive it around town while I take care of things with dad.  Hopefully there won't be too many people down on a cold(ish) Sunday in October so he can get a feel for it and we'll see if it works or not.  If it works we'll have to figure out a way to get it from the shore to our house.  My son on the GSP is truly terrifying.  Plus there is no longer an EZ Pass associated with it.  I suppose we'll take things as they come.  That's what I'm supposed to do, right?

  I wish we could laugh and tell stories like we used to.  I wish we could sit out on the deck and eat popcorn; I'd have an iced tea and you'd have your hot tea with lemon.  I even bought a bag of Herr's popcorn at the store yesterday.  It would have been more economical to buy the store brand that I could microwave, but Herr's is what we used to get at Wawa, so it's what I bought.  I have to tell you it doesn't taste quite the same.  I just don't enjoy it without you around.  There are a lot of things that I don't enjoy as much without you.

I hope you are watching over it.  I feel like I could use your guidance.  Although you know me, I would probably ignore any advice you'd give.  But if it is possible, go on and send me a sign.  Let me know that you've still got your eye on me, so I'd better watch myself.  It would help.

I love you,

Me