We've Crossed the River of the Denial
Do you know the adage above? (Supposedly credited to that late, great Mark Twain.) Well, my family has finally
crossed it and made a serious lifestyle change. If you've been following
along with my more recent posts, you know that neither of my parents is in good
health. It has rapidly become apparent that they need more help. As
hard as it is to admit, they need someone who can live in and be there.
That person is NOT me. I don't have a medical background, I'm too
emotionally involved AND I do have a job, my husband and my son and other
obligations.
There are really only two
options: moving to assisted living (which my parents were adamantly
against; and let's face it, if it was going to happen it should have happened
long ago) or finding someone to live in. Again, I know that we fortunate
enough to be able to have these options. My parents are fortunate enough
to be able to afford (at least for the time being) having someone live in and
care for them. More importantly is the fact that we were able find help quickly.
Because my parents live in a
close knit community, they have friends who have needed and had exactly the
same type of care. My mother called a friend who had live in help for his
wife and she was able to connect with this woman on Thursday. Saturday
this woman came over and I, along with my parents, discussed the
situation. Sunday, she moved in.
It was an amazingly fast
decision and process. Luckily for my parents, she was available.
She knows the area. She has friends in the area (including the friend of
my parents who she worked for several years back). She came highly
recommended by this friend of my parents (she lived with them for approximately
3 years). Other friends of my parents had knew her/had met her and had positive
things to say. I guess the stars aligned.
Not that this is easy.
After it was determined on Saturday that she would start working for my parents
and moving in the next day, it was up to me to clean out the guest room where
she would be living. That meant clearing out 6 bureau drawers in that
room as well as two others in another room. Then there was the process of
eliminating clothing that my parents rarely wore. Not an easy task.
(I've done it myself regularly.) Then I had to bag up all those
"discard" items and put them in my car. When I came home on
Sunday my son and husband went through them and selected what they wanted; the
rest went to the thrift shop. I took the "keep" pile and with
my mom folding, moved them into two drawers in the other guest bedroom. (So
basically whittling down 8 drawers of clothing and fitting them into
two). I also TRIED to clean out the closet in her room (was only partly
successful there) and cleaned out the guest bathroom. It was a tiring
process.
I was there on Sunday when she arrived
and stayed for several hours to try and get everyone comfortable. It sort
of worked.
Over the past couple of days
I've been checking in (via phone) more frequently. Things aren't
incredibly smooth, but how could they be when a total stranger moves into your
home? I know my parents aren't happy with everything...how could they
be? I'm betting Marieta (their in home caregiver) isn't happy with
everything either. How could she be, she's living and caring for two
people she barely knows. The situation is far from ideal, but it IS
working.
I pray that it continues to
work. That as they get to know each other, they become more
comfortable. Because this is the new reality. This is where life
has led us and while it may not be ideal for anyone, it is what is BEST for
all. I include myself in that as well since just having a caring
individual there relieves some of my stress. (Not to worry, I've still
got plenty of stress in my life.) This is what we needed.
I wish we had crossed this
river before, but we didn't. It's been crossed now and hopefully the
journey forward will be a little smoother or at least a little more comforting. If not for them, then definitely for me.
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