It's OK

It's Ok...

Because I live in a "nice" suburban neighborhood and not in some "shithole" country where the water is toxic or there is some crazed leader who could say or do whatever he wants and put my family into a prison for any reason or kill us because he didn't like us.  I don't have to sneak over any walls or mountains and risk my life or the life of my family to try and have a "better" life.  (Shouldn't you have tried to do it the "legal" way?)

It's Ok...

Because I have a "real" job and a salary that (almost) supports my family of three.  I'm not a lazy oaf who works the system and stays at home watching tv all day (or worse porn on the internet) while collecting those  "free" welfare dollars from the government and can get all the booze and cigarettes I need with my food stamps (oh, wait they call it SNAP now...SNAP!).  I don't wallow in filth (just dust bunnies) because I'm slothful with dozen kids (haven't you heard of ABSTINENCE?) with dirty faces who run wild.  Maybe we don't dine out at fancy restaurants (but we do enjoy Chipotle).  Maybe I do buy most of my clothing at the thrift shop or Kmart or let my son's grandparents dress him, but you don't know that.  Maybe my house looks good on the outside (or just so-so if you're looking closely) and I'm not going to let you see inside where there are cracks, leaks and stains because as I said...

It's Ok...

Because my son is white and is not going to be singled out by the police. (If you just followed the rules this would never happen.)  When he goes for a walk (which he likes to do) he wears a nice jacket and not a hoodie, so you know he's an upstanding young man. He is polite and courteous and goes a "good" school which is safe (not like Florida or Connecticut or Colorado or Kentucky or any place like that). I don't have to worry about my son (except maybe about those grades that aren't where they should be if I want him to get into a quality university); there is no bullying or name calling or taunting or body shaming. (Thank God, he's NOT a girl!  What are they thinking with that lipstick and low neck sweater?)

It's Ok...

Because we regularly attend church, which is a safe space (not like mosque or synagogue).  Bad things can't happen in church; we are protected (but by men with guns).  We don't have to wear hats or head wraps that make us stand out from the "regular" folk. In this space where you pray (for all those who suffer while you don't; I DON'T suffer) and reflect (on how good things are; they ARE good) you know all is well.  (And thoughts are prayers are never mocked; why wouldn't you take this seriously?)

It's Ok...

Because we have health insurance (even if the deductible costs me a paycheck) and are relatively healthy. (The quarterly diabetes checkups and the variety of meds that go along with them injury my paycheck; if ONLY my husband had better dietary habits and exercised.)  No need for clinics (where you might die before you get seen) or outrageous pharmaceuticals that cost more than my annual salary. (Should you get that transplant?  Can you afford the anti-rejection/maintenance drugs for the rest of how ever long your life might be?  Maybe you should just cash in your life insurance policy now; that is if you were wise enough and wealthy enough to have one.) No mental instability (unless you count the subtle depression that seeps into my brain until I scream at it to go away) which wouldn't be covered by insurance anyway and where would I come up with the hundreds of dollars per session just to talk to someone who couldn't make it instantaneously better?  (Could you pass me a Xanax though?)

It's Ok...

Because I'm an older woman without a uterus (nothing to grow here) who is attractive, but not that attractive, so  men  can generally ignore me.  Plus I wasn't all that pretty when I was younger,  and I was fat so I didn't wear short skirts that could inflame someone's desire. (Cause a woman SHOULDN'T do that...you know how men are!)  My boobs were never big enough to grab either. So  no catcalls, no funny pink hats.  Nothing to abuse.  (Well maybe I was manipulated...but we're not going to talk about that because it was a long time ago and as I said...)

It's Ok...

Because I have friends and neighbors who are "regular" people.  Their lives are as problem-free as mine.  I know because I see it on their social media.  (Why would I visit or call when I can see it all from my mobile device?)  They live their lives just like me...or on second thought maybe better.  They take wonderful vacations with smiling faces.  They eat meals that are nutritious and perfectly prepared.  They help their honor roll children with homework if they have to but there is always time for family movie or game night.  Their problems, if they have any at all, are miniscule.  Certainly I would see if there was something below the surface that was wrong? (Let me check that Instagram feed again.) Wouldn't I know?  Of course I would because...

It's Ok...

And maybe if I keep telling myself that it will be.  Maybe if I BELIEVE the lies and hypocrisy that can be so easily spewed, maybe it would be ok.

Or maybe not... School  shootings...deportations...suicides...bullying...depression...disfigurement...harassment...name calling...finger pointing...blame...shame...job loss...life loss...cancer...racisim...sexism...beatings...HATRED...ANGER...

Maybe it's NOT Ok?

Please tell me...it's ok.