Just Trying to Breath on Monday
Warning, WARNING! This is not a happy Bfth or a typical look on the bright side Bfth blog post. This is a Bfth can't take it anymore and is just going to vomit all over a blog post. This is NOT end of the world, but it is the accumulation of BS that has made this Monday so draining that I feel like I am treading water and failing to keep my head above water. I'm just trying to breath, but my chest is tight and my shoulders/neck ache with Mama stress and tension. This is not just a whiny post...this is me throwing up everything and just letting it out because I feel like I have to let it out. This is me...and as always it's NOT life threatening and it's NOT pretty. (It may not even be readable...in which case just close this thing down and move onto something else.)
It's Monday morning and I am worn out and worn down. Not that I didn't have a good weekend. It was okay. It was just there. It's is nothing to write about.
And this morning started out like any other start of the work week. But it quickly went downhill; even before I got to work. (And Monday mornings at work are usually stressful.)
My stress; my tension; my frustration; my aches and pains today all comes down to: people not listening to me (or listening to me and ignoring what I say).
Let's start with my tween son...The kid that everyone thinks is 15 because he's so tall and mature looking. If only looks would translate into action and/or brain function. We have spent the last year (give or take) having the same conversation; having the same fights; shedding the same tears. My son is not stupid and he's a good human being, but he DOESN'T listen. (I know...common among all children of a certain age...maybe of all ages.) His grades started sliding last year and we've done everything we can to help him. But he doesn't listen, he doesn't follow instructions and he rushes through things without checking. He used to say he didn't know how to study. Well, now he does, but he HASN'T applied it. Or he WON'T apply it. Example; he had a quiz last week and he did poorly on it. (It wasn't a hard subject.) When I went over it with him; he KNEW the answers. He obviously just rushed through and didn't pay attention; especially when the answers/words looked alike (for example heart and heat...the words are almost identical). He does the homework and then doesn't turn it in on time. (Last week it happened twice; one teacher gave him some credit, but the other gave him a 0 for the assignment which I certainly am not going to argue with.) We had a discussion (ok, you know when I say discussion I mean screaming/crying match right?) last Monday, Thursday AND Saturday. I had HOPED we'd made progress. (I had such hopes before and...Do I need to say where that got me?) Then this morning he rushes downstairs to my husband to get an assignment signed...something that he MAY or MAY NOT have been asked to do mid-week (or maybe it was Friday...try to get a straight answer out of a tween! "What are you doing on the computer?" "I'm working on Google Classroom mom." Right...the browser history shows a different story!) It's a homework assignment and he's got a point deduction because he didn't follow direction and do part of the work. UGH!!!!! No matter where you might reside in the world, you might have heard me this morning. (No it wasn't a sonic boom; it was me!)
Then there are my parents...who won't stop harping on the fact that no one in the family got a flu shot this year. I am not anti-vaccination. I HAVE in the past gotten flu shots for our family. The year before last I didn't get around to it and I haven't done it for this season either. I'm NOT saying I shouldn't or I won't, but...every time I call (and I'm obligated to check in twice a day...or I've set myself up that way) it's the topic of discussion. How many healthy children have died because they didn't get the flu shot? (Never mind the fact that the efficacy of flu shot for the past 10 years has never been more than 60% and last year was only 39%.) I'm not saying that they don't have a valid point, but it seems like they won't talk about anything else. And when they said they wanted to make an appointment today to take my son for a flu shot, it sent me over the edge. Again, not saying they are wrong (and I do realize they want what's best for my son and my family), but when I make suggestions regarding their health/lifestyle, 9 times out of 10 I am ignored. To put it as succinctly as I can: I feel that boundaries were overstepped (BIG TIME). And that is not something I can easily forgive or let go of.
So by the time I pulled into the office parking lot today my stomach was in knots (and it remains like that still) and my neck/shoulders are screaming for relief. All this before I tackle "real" work. (You know the one that pay all the bills for the family.)
I know I should just let this all go. I KNOW that none of this is earth shattering. I know that overall my life is pretty darned good, but we all have our tipping points. This morning I hit mine.
And what I really feel like I need to do is this:
(For you non-Twin Peaks fans...that an image of "Mother" has she spews out evil on the world...or at least that's how I interpreted it...David Lynch and/or Mark Frost may have had something else in mind.)
Maybe now that I have with this post I WON"T feel like this:
I do promise that next time you tune in (IF you tune it) this blog will return to it's regular relatively upbeat and/or thought provoking subject matter.