21

 

My son turns 21 today.  Legally an adult, although in many ways he's been acting as a responsible adult since he was a kid.  Yes, he did a lot of silly kid stuff.  Don't we all when we are kids?  (If you say no, you are lying to me and yourself.)  But for the most part, and what I remember is maturity he has shown over the years.  And his uniqueness...which he expressed when most might be afraid too.  Perhaps that's another example of his maturity…

So on this auspicious day when he officially becomes an adult, I give 21 observations of this unique and mature young man...  (All of which will embarrass the heck out of him, but...)

1.     My son is adopted, but we have always been his parents.  We first held him when he was 8 hours old.  With that said, we've always let him know about his adoption and have told him numerous times that if he wants to reach out to either of his birth parents, we can help.  He doesn't.  That's always been his decision/choice and if he ever changes his mind, that's fine too.  

2.     The year he was in first grade was a tough one for our family.  His great grandfather died in April and his uncle/my brother died in June.  No one was expecting my brother to die so young and I will never forget the Saturday it happened.  My parents traveled from their shore house to the house in Essex County (next door to us) that afternoon.  It was awful.  No one knew what to do.  Neighbors came by to support us.  He held the door open and welcomed them.  I will never forget that.

3.     Halfway through second grade he decided he no longer wanted to be known as Jimmy.  He wanted to be (and always was) James.  He didn't tell us; he announced to his teacher and she called us.  Henceforth he was always known as James.  He knew what he wanted and so it was.

4.     When he was in middle school he started to wear bow ties.  He had always been well dressed.  (Mostly thanks to my mom.)  He wasn't a t-shirt kid (for the most part). I was a little nervous about him wearing bow ties to school.  No one wants their kid to be bullied and I was afraid that would happen.  As far as I know it didn't. I was told that someone once asked him why he wore a bowtie.  His response was:  why don't you.

5.     He always held his own when it came to older kids.  He was 2 years younger and the only male in his group when he had his first communion.  He was the youngest and again the only male in the group when he was confirmed. He and the three other girls who were confirmed together remained good friends.  Age or gender never mattered to him; or any of the others.  They were serious when it was warranted, but also knew who to have fun.  It was at a confirmation retreat that he first "blessed and named" the Irish Soda bread with his friends.  (It was around St. Patrick's Day.)  He's been doing it ever since.  (And I've been baking an allergy friendly version since then as well.)

6.     He developed a love of marine life because my mother did.  My parents lived at the Jersey shore and he would spend a couple of weeks there spending days at Marine Science Camp.  He ended up knowing as much (or more) than the counselors.  He gave written presentations to the group; which also included sketches.  He knew his stuff.  (He still does.)

7.     When he was in middle school (pre-Covid) he participated in a week long "theater" camp over the summer.  (Each week they would put on a different show.)  The first one he did, there weren't enough kids, and so many of them ended up playing dual roles.  He argued with himself for one scene; going back and forth and taking off and putting on a hat.  It was hysterical.  (The show wasn't that good; actually none of them were, but that bit was to die for.)

8.     He is a history buff; particularly the Civil War.  Pre-Covid, my in-laws would take him on week-long treks over the summer to various civil war sites.  He joined and participated in a civil war re-enactment group.  (I also joined, because it was more fun than just hanging around doing nothing.)  Everyone thought he was old enough to carry a rifle.  I had to nix that since he was only 12 (and not 16 like people assumed.)  When he got to high school he took AP US History (as well as English and Human Geography) and breezed through it.

9.     He volunteered at our church thrift shop.  Not regularly (like I did), but enough to develop his own following among the women who were workers AND customers.  He would help carry stuff up and down the stairs among other things.  The ladies would set stuff aside for him.  (They still do.)  When he was old enough to drive, he would drive one of the volunteers regularly.  (She usually did pay him, but that's not the point.)  To this day when he goes in, he is greeted with love and enthusiasm. 

10. When he got to high school he was involved in the theater program.  Freshman year he was cast in the fall production of "Comedy of Errors."  He was one of two freshman who got parts.  Yes, it was a minor part, but he nailed it.  He bonded with everyone in the show; getting a ride home from a senior after the first rehearsal, in her white convertible.  (We still don't know who it was.) He was also in the chorus of the spring musical, and again, made his mark, creating a character that was noticeable, but not distracting.  By his junior year, he had a "fan club" of teachers for the fall comedy.  Senior year he had one of the leads in the spring musical, Hello Dolly starring opposite a classmate that he had known since kindergarten. He was the only cast member who wore clothes from his own collection. It made the show all the sweeter.

11. During Covid he took up gardening.  He hand tilled a patch of land in our backyard and "fenced" it in (with chicken wire.)  He grew three pumpkins (they were the most expensive pumpkins ever, but...) He still maintains a flower garden by our patio and helps our cousin out with maintaining the family plot at the cemetery.

12. He often makes or alters his own clothes (by hand).  He hand studded one of his several leather jackets.  As a birthday present for his girlfriend at the time, he took a dress that he bought at the thrift shop and altered/modified it.  Was it a brilliant work?  No. But it was a labor of love.

13. He is an excellent public speaker.  He read at the memorial services of both of my parents.  When we was in middle school and high school he served as a lay reader at church.  He has a powerful voice.

14.   He loves to go to the city and knows public transportation.  He has no trouble leaving Staten Island via the shuttle to the ferry to the subway to visit museums and art galleries.  If he wants to come "home" after, he grabs a train to the bus.  He's comfortable and confident doing all of this.  (I, on the other hand, freak out just thinking about it.)

15. Since starting college he has been unable to return home for Easter, so he goes to the Easter Parade instead.  I know the event has turned into more of a "how outrageous can you dress" event versus the classic of the past, but my son sticks with classic.  He wears a top hat and tails (with gloves and spats as well.)  He may no longer have the Fred Astaire hair to pull it off (more like Jim Morrison), but he is classic all the way.

16. Several summers ago, he served as temporary summer sexton at church.  Yes, he was paid, but it was less about the money (they paid below minimum wage) and more about honoring the man who held the job for 60+ years and who had to leave due to health issues.  His job performance was about making a statement about a man that we all love; he wanted the church to be taken care of because that's what Andy did.  He has never shied away from "dirty" work. (And when Andy did visit the church, my son was there...)

17. Last summer he served as temporary sexton at another church; one that my father had attended and that I still go to occasionally (virtually).  Again, it was not about the money, but supporting the church's mission and making sure that things were taken care of.  (Especially food left in the bin for the church's food pantry.)  

18. Although not always a straight A student, he has made Dean's list several times in college.  (One of the times he didn't, he was taking an extremely difficult financial course which he thought he was going to flunk.  When he ended up passing with a C, he proudly called us to say that he'd passed with a "F'ing C!"  I have to say we were thrilled and proud over that darned C!)

19. He drives my mother's (now officially mine) Buick sedan.  It's over 15 years old and although it's interior is not as clean as when my mother had it, he takes excellent care of it.  (Although he did get a good scrap and was devastated when it happened.)  It may be "an old lady car", but he loves it and he is adamant that he doesn't want a new vehicle.  (He HATES Suvs).

20. He has always been an artist.  He drew as a kid; on paper, on sidewalks, etc.  He did take some drawing lessons at a studio, but not seriously.  When he "graduated" from elementary school, he won an award (unexpected) and one of his pieces hangs in perpetuity in the school.  He took art classes in high school and was inducted into the art honor society.  He's majoring in arts administration because while he creates art, he thought that it might not be financially the best path to take, so he has combined the two.  He has spent this summer doing some volunteer work at our local museum (not as much as he would like, but his schedule doesn't permit that much) as well as working at an art supply store; a job that he took the initiative to go out and find.  He went in over spring break when they needed no one, but kept his resume and called him in May.  He interviewed on Friday and got the job on Sunday.  

21. Finally, although my son is flawed (just like every other human on the planet) he has a kind art and a good soul.  He listens to people.  (Including me...although he doesn't always give me the response I'd like.)  He cares about the world.  He is nurturing (although he'd deny it).  While he's an everyday ordinary person, he's also extraordinary.  He's made a positive impact on so many people (and he doesn't even know about it.)  He's...my son.

Happy 21st!