Waiting...



My dad died 40 days ago.  In those forty days, I have:

  • Arranged a burial and memorial service at the cemetery and then hosted a small repast at my home following.  
  • Written an obituary and three memorials.
  • Spoken at the memorial service at the cemetery as well as a memorial service 21 days later at church
  • Sent a donation to a local charity in my family's name for a good friend of my father's who died less than a week after him.
  • Picked up the official death certificates (which were just amended on Monday because apparently the town is not good enough since it is part of a larger township?)
  • Attended an annual (although I don't know how much longer it will continue) regatta that has been renamed in honor of both my parents (they were both big proponents of sailing on Barnegat Bay)
  • Arranged for my father's name to go on the family stone at the cemetery.  (And paid for half of it, although they haven't cashed the check...I'm wondering if the guy checks his mailbox?)
  • Paid remaining bills for my dad (phone/cable/internet service which I need to keep at the shore house for a while)
  • Cancelled services (cell phone, credit cards)
  • Cleaned out much (85%?) of the shore home, getting rid of "medical" equipment and donating most clothing and other items to charity and/or thrift shops.
  • Gone to surrogate court to probate the will and gotten short certificates to show that I am the executrix of the estate.
  • Met with a BoA representative to close his bank accounts (for more on that fun see:  https://bfthsboringblog.blogspot.com/2023/08/why-boa-still-sucks.html)
  • Purchased a new laptop for my son for college. 
  • Had a surprise visit from the plumber (had called a week or so ago and had never heard back and was working on finding someone else who could work around my schedule) who replaced the crumbling innards of a toilet and will send me a bill  (Not that I like paying bills, but I don't like having debt hanging over my head.)
  • Reviewed the list of items that are "needed" for college and made sure we had most of them.  (They are mostly packed up...we still need a few things.)
  • Filled out forms and had an estate account set up with RBC Wealth Management (Have to say this was the easiest institution to deal with and when checks came in made out to the estate, I was able to turn them over to them for depositing; something I can't do with BoA)
  • Turned in my dad's SUV (which was actually in my mom's name) as well as MY SUV and got a brand-new SUV with most of the bells and whistles.  (Turns out there were some that I thought I hadn't put I didn't.  While I am not a fan of winter, I am hoping that having heated seats AND a heated steering wheel while make it more tolerable.)
  • Attempted to contact EZ-PASS to turn in my dad's pass (I can say no more)
  • Met with a lawyer to arrange having the deed to the house and paid for those services.
  • Contacted another financial/investment advisor about other holdings my dad had.  Received the forms I had to fill out for them.  Got my brother's death certificate because one of the policies he had his as one of his secondary beneficiaries (along with me, but after my mom).  Attempted to fill out forms they emailed me for Putnam and Venerable and got so frustrated that I had a complete melt down.  Had someone from the financial firm walk me through forms step by step. Emailed the Venerable forms in along with death certificates for dad, mom and brother.  Went to the bank (3 times) to get a signature guarantee (this is different than notarized...which I had already done for other documents).  Went to Staples to get an envelope big enough to mail all of the forms and death certificates (just dad and mom this time).  Went to the post office and sent it off.
  • Worked (mostly remotely, but I did go to the office several times) for 19 of those days and covered for co-workers who were on vacation.  (Just as they covered for me while I was out)

What am I doing now?  Not including work, I am WAITING.  I am WAITING for BoA to finish their "review" and disburse the monies from my dad's accounts to mine. (I made it easy for them but having them send it directly to MY BoA account.)  I did as they requested of me a week ago, but I still haven't heard anything.  I am WAITING for Venerable to acknowledge my email and claim.  (Because I was able to do so electronically, you'd THINK it would be faster/easier?)  And I am WAITING for Putnam, which I am guessing will be a LONG one because they probably haven't even gotten my paperwork yet since I had to send it via USPS.  I am WAITING for the title to my new car.  (Hopefully that won't take too long... I haven't had it for a week yet).  I am WAITING for the deed to the house.  (Because I've paid the taxes for the 3rd quarter and I'd like it to actually be in my name.)

 I have done all of the above and more (which I have either forgotten about or didn't deem worthy enough to write about).  Now I am waiting.  I have been diligent.  I am waiting for others to do the same.  I am NOT counting on it.  Though I have done my part, jumping through hoops and being as clear and thorough as I can be, I am sure I will continue to wait and wait and wait...

 BoA, Venerable, Putnam...prove me wrong.


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