Frazzled & Fried Friday




 June is busting out all over (thanks Rodgers & Hammerstein) and so is my brain.  There's so much going on with the end of the school year. (Who there was so much "stuff" for seniors?  Banquets, awards, concerts...) Then there's work.  How can I be in Newark 3 days a week when there is an event just about every day here in town?  I'm foregoing the music banquet, because I didn't want to pay $55 for a meal that I, as the allergy queen, could not eat AND I still have bad memories of the banquet when I was in high school.  (The ultimate horror of getting one's period in the middle of everything and finding a group to sit with.  I never fell into one specific group and always felt like an outcast.)  And then there's my dad.

The good news is that he is out of the hospital.  He's in a NEW rehabilitation facility.  (HE picked it out).  It's right by the hospital, which makes it easy to find.  I THOUGHT it seemed nicer/brighter than where he was before.  (The place that I had picked out.)  However, I have NOT spoken to my dad since Monday and ever since he's been in the hospital/rehab (which has pretty much been since late February), I've spoken to him every day.  Now I KNOW he's okay...or as okay as he can be.  His caregiver goes every day to see him and help him.  She has said that he is very tired and that's because he's on pain medication.  (He's always been on pain medication. I'm thinking they've upped the dosage because as I've been told the care of the wounds is very painful and he DOES scream all the time when he is touched.  However, I don't think he is on as much pain medication as he was when he first went to the OTHER rehab, because the staff is telling me is alert and I haven't heard about any vomiting (which is what he was experiencing last time.)  I'll see for myself tomorrow when I go down to visit and check in.  And as it turns out his 5 day stay (which is what the doctor told him in the hospital and I KNEW wasn't realistic) will be at least another two weeks.  (I'm guessing probably more.)  He wants to go home (who can blame him?) and I want him to be healthy and able enough to come home and be as comfortable as possible.  (Because pain is always going to be a part of his life.)

So by my ramblings above, you can probably see why I'm frazzled.  (Does any of the above even make sense?)  However, this particular Friday, I'm really feeling frazzled and friend.  (And not just because there is construction going on nearby at a property that I THOUGHT was not allowed to be developed, but apparently a judge felt that new environmental regulations do not have to be followed and as a result the wooden property which has been mostly dormant for over a decade can now be made into overpriced abodes with no consideration for the land or the neighbors, but...)  Today marks the 11th "anniversary" of my brother's death.  It was also around the same time last year that my mother really started to go downhill.   And my father probably won't be able to speak with me today, so I feel lost.

Should I go to the cemetery to "visit" my brother and mother?  I've never felt (as many people do) a sense of anything there.  I know we call it a final resting place, but I don't get that.  I also wonder if my brother's wife might show up there today and I definitely do NOT want to deal with that.  (We were never on good terms and I was relieved when she remarried a year after my brother died and moved to the Northwest, but she and her partner have moved back east and are apparently living in the next town over.  I have yet to run into her since the funeral and I really don't want to.)

Maybe I'll just sit here and swelter.  (It's supposed to get into the 90s today!  It's only June 2nd!  No worries, tomorrow it will barely be 70. Let's not talk about climate change.)

Probably the best answer is to go into the bedroom, pull down the shades, turn on the air conditioner and watch some mindless tv.  (We've cut the cable cord and through the magic of my husband's technology now get some "slow" relaxing channels that show waterfalls and seascapes.  That might just be what I need on this frazzled and fried Friday.  (And if that doesn't work, there are always "gummies"...if you know...you know.)


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