Selfishly Angry


I am really frustrated, annoyed and angry and to be clear this response is totally selfish.  I am pissed off with the resurgence of Covid-19 cases, not because people are getting ill (When they didn't have to because there IS a vaccine which is available here in the USA for EVERYONE over the age of 12.)  I am pissed off not because people are needlessly dying. (Death due to Covid for a vaccinated person IS possible, but the chances are incredibly slim.  As of the end of July the rates of death among fully vaccinated people with COVID-19 were effectively zero (0.00%) in all but two reporting states, Arkansas and Michigan where they were 0.01%.  This data comes from the Kaiser Family Foundation.)  I am not pissed off because those who CHOOSE not to get vaccinated or follow CDC recommendations like wearing a mask are draining our healthcare providers who have been working their asses off for over a year and half.  All of these are valid reasons to be angry.  And to be honest I am angry for those reasons as well.  But I am mostly angry because of how this preventable mess is impacting ME and my family.

This is stupidly selfish and I KNOW I am acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum, but I am angry because the stupidity and selfishness of other people is effecting my life.

Back in April things were looking good.  My husband went for his first shot of the Moderna vaccine.  Less than a week later I was able to get the J&J shot.  In May my husband got his 2nd Moderna dose.  In the middle of May my son became eligible for vaccination and got his first Pfizer shot.  Before the end of the (bizarre) school year, my whole family was fully vaccinated.  Rates of infection were down.  There was a day when there were finally NO Covid deaths reported.  Masks were coming off.  I was feeling relief.  We weren't out of the woods, but we were on the right track.  I had visions of my son returning to high school for a "normal" year.  A year where the choir could sing.  A year where there could be a fall play and a spring musical held in the auditorium.  Maybe there was a possibility of returning to school without a mask?

What went wrong?  The virus mutated (as viruses are prone to do) and the delta variant which is extremely transmissible.  As a matter of fact it spreads just as easily as chickenpox according to the CDC?  If you're "old" like me, you remember how transmissible chickenpox is.  One kid in your class got it and soon everyone was covered itchy blisters.  If you were younger and lucky, it wasn't too bad.  (IF you were lucky.)  If you were older...well...all I can tell you is that I spent my 12th birthday in bed with it watching the digital clock numbers flip slowly by.  (I was too sick to read the book I had purchased prior to the whole mess which as Alan Dean Foster's Splinter of the Mind's Eye which will tell you how long ago this was.  I missed at least 2 weeks of school and I still have scars (because I scratched and picked...I couldn't help myself.)  If you have no idea what I am talking about it's because you are YOUNGER and are probably lucky enough to have received the VACCINE for the virus (it became available in the US in 1995).  I WISH there had been a vaccine when I was a kid and I'm glad that my son got one when he was a baby so he will not have to go through the wretched experience.

Now we are back to masks indoors.  Even though I am vaccinated, I am wearing a mask because I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to take risks; even if my risk is extremely low.    I know that it is possible for me to carry the virus and transmit it to someone else.  I don't want to do that.  As a responsible adult, I want to care for myself, my family and those that I come into contact with.

So I'm angry at those people who aren't like me.  Who don't care about themselves, their families, or their friends!  People who do not take the time to get all the facts.  People who do not get their information from a reputable and well researched source.  (And I'm actually saying here that you shouldn't take what I'm saying as truth...I'm saying get a vaccine and wear a mask, but I'm not a medical professional.  Get your information from a QUALIFIED medical professional.)

It didn't have to be like this.  We were on the right path.  We CAN still get back on track.  IF we take the time to do what is right, what is necessary and most importantly what is recommended by YOUR medical professional.  PLEASE...because we all want to have a "normal" life once again.


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