What I Learned From Middle School

My son recently "graduated" from middle school.  (Yeah, I know, when did THAT become a thing?)  I am THRILLED...not because he did so well there, but because it is OVER and I am praying that high school is a better experience.  (Cue the song, "What Kind of Fool Am I?")  Why do I say that?  What do I mean?  Here are a few observations and opinions from me, the mom of a newly "moved up" middle schooler.

• 5th grade is TOO soon to send kids to a middle school.  They are too young and it is too stressful.  It took my son a long time to get the hang of things and I know he was anxious for at least the first 3 months of school.  (His teacher said he kept leaving his books on/in his desk and not locking his locker...the kid was nervous and couldn't handle it all.)
• We may be in the 21st century, but the same stupid "cliques" exist.  Mean girls are a real thing.  They are cruel and exclusionary.  Boys are still dumb when it comes to opening their mouth and being "cool."  They still say stuff that is rude, inappropriate and inexcusable all in the name of being "funny" and making them part of the gang.  I know there are tons of "inclusionary" assemblies and all sorts of resources to stop bullying and such, but while it may be working on the surface, these old "norms" still run deep.  They are still ugly.  (And if you think your kid has NOT at some point been mean or inappropriate you are  living in a fantasy world.  99% of ALL kids have behaved in a way that would shock you at some point.)
• School spirit and assembly days are lame when it comes to teens and even tweens.  The 5th graders might like it, but the rest...  It's not helping.  It's being laughed at and groaned on. The intentions are good but it's not really changing things.
• School administrators and teachers still do turn a blind eye to some of these things.  (Not all, but enough.)  While there are some incredibly supportive teachers and administrators, there are plenty who are not.  There's no way to enforce or change this, but I IMPLORE anyone involved with the school system to walk the walk if you're going to talk the talk.  And that means dealing with ugly things and students that you might not like.
• The majority of kids that I've met and know are good kids.  With that said, good kids can do "bad" and stupid things.  It is my thought that this is all part of the "fitting in" and being part of something.  (Although I'm still not sure how the "top dog" or head mean girl gets the job/title.)  It's up to parents, teachers and ALL school staff, to recognize this fact.  When good kids do something bad, they need to be held accountable.  (See previous posts:  https://bfthsboringblog.blogspot.com/2019/06/my-kid-is-jerk.html  and https://bfthsboringblog.blogspot.com/2019/06/your-kid-is-jerk.html).  Rarely is a one time talking too enough.  We need to continue to work with kids to help them become the people that they really are at the core.
• Not every kid is going to want to be involved with something.  I know there are tons of clubs, sports, etc.  but there will always be kids who just aren't into any of that.  Its ok, but we still need to encourage them to be active participants in something.  And if they are not one year, that's ok too, but we should never stop encouraging.
• "Moving Up"/Graduation from middle school has gotten to be over the top.  Graduating from high school is an important event.  When my son left the elementary school, they had a simple awards ceremony (which was more than enough in my book) and on the last day the 4th grade class was clapped out.  That clap out MEANT something.  It was special recognition.  A whole big ceremony 4 years later was a bit much.  (Clocking in at an hour and forty minutes give or take.)    There were too many awards and too much applause. (Even though we were asked to refrain from applauding to the end; very few people listened.  How are our children going to listen to us and/or authority figures if WE don't listen?)  
• I probably would have felt differently if my child won an award, but he was one of the few who didn't.  He didn't deserve an award; his work was lackluster over the past four years (which you probably know if you've read my posts).  As award after award was handed out (a process that took about an hour), it got to be painful.  There were probably less than 40 students who didn't get anything than a certificate of completion (aka the middle school diploma) and I think it was painful for them and their families.  Of course, it is my hope that this experience (as well as all the talks and screaming matches that we've had), will make my son realize that if he DOES apply himself, he could be the one receiving a certificate of recognition.  (Even better some of those included monetary rewards.)  How special can an award be when over 50 people get them?  (Again maybe this comes from the fact that we just sat there and sat there and...)
• It's important to recognize the years that were spent in middle school and focus on learning from mistakes and celebrating the successes.  That's what I tried to do and will continue to try to do. Middle school is truly the middle.  No longer a child; not yet an adult.  Kids are struggling with who they are.  This is probably one of the reasons why it is such a challenging time.  And why I have hope that now that that period is behind us things will get better.  (Fingers crossed.)

A friend has pointed out to me (more than once) that the reason it's called middle school is because they ARE in the middle of something; mostly drama (of their own making.)  As rough as these middle years have been painful for my family, I'm hoping that we have closed the door on that and are ready to move on/up to the next (more mature?) level.  I'm hopeful that we have ALL (not just my son, but the whole family) learned from these years.  Of course only time will tell.

For now, it is onward and upward to high school, but more importantly to summer vacation!  Time to relax and recharge and get ready for the next chapter!