Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word?

With most sincere apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin, I don't think sorry is the hardest word.  Quite the opposite in my opinion.  It is all too easy to say "sorry."   After all, it's just a word.  

Saying "sorry" and BEING sorry are two different things.  Saying sorry is easy.  BEING sorry is harder.  And making amends and changing what we are sorry for is the hardest of them all.

Saying "I'm sorry" means nothing. I think of the story that has been told of a woman dropping a plate which shatters into thousands of tiny bits. The woman than looks at the plate and says "I'm sorry."  Maybe she is.  Maybe she isn't.  It doesn't change the fact that the plate is shattered and will never be the same, even if she does manage to glue it back together.

I am constantly saying to my son, "I don't want you to say you're sorry.  I want you to BE sorry and change/correct/do X so that you don't have to be sorry again. 

Of course, I am just as guilty of this as he is. (Where do you think he learned it?)  To be completely honest, it took me a LONG time to realize that I needed to change my ways and to recognize that I truly need to "atone" (for lack of a better word) and not just say I'm sorry.  Circumstances and "things' are going to happen and my life isn't going to be a bed of roses...I can't control that.  What I CAN control is my behavior and a result NOT be sorry for things I might say or do.

This is NOT easy for me.  I'm a reactor.  I made a conscious decision to NOT react to things that bothered me right away.  NOT to do or say things that I would be sorry for.  And sure enough the minute (or shortly thereafter) I made that decision, my son did something that made me CRAZY.  And while I DIDN'T behave as perfectly as I would have liked to (I'm still lacking the halo), I DID do "better" than I would have in the past.  I did react to the situation, but not right away.  (I tried to be thoughtful before getting emotional.  And that is NOT least not for me!)

I am not perfect.  (My son and ANYONE in my family will tell you that!)  But I am trying to be the kind of person that doesn't have to say I'm sorry.  I'm trying to be the person who thinks before she throws the plate on the floor.  (We all know how in the heat of an emotional moment how easy that is!)

I know I'm going to slip up.  I know there are still thousands (millions?) of”I'm Sorry" in my future. But I am focusing on stopping, taking a moment (or two or however many it might take) before I act or react.  I'm pretty confident that IF I keep it up, there will be less sorrys in my future.


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