Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word?
With most sincere apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin, I don't think
sorry is the hardest word. Quite the opposite in my opinion. It is
all too easy to say "sorry." After all, it's just a word.
Saying "sorry" and
BEING sorry are two different things. Saying sorry is easy. BEING sorry is harder. And making amends and changing what we are sorry for is
the hardest of them all.
Saying "I'm sorry"
means nothing. I think of the story that has been told of a woman dropping a
plate which shatters into thousands of tiny bits. The woman than looks at the
plate and says "I'm sorry." Maybe she is. Maybe she
isn't. It doesn't change the fact that the plate is shattered and will
never be the same, even if she does manage to glue it back together.
I am constantly saying to my
son, "I don't want you to say you're sorry. I want you to BE sorry
and change/correct/do X so that you don't have to be sorry again.
Of course, I am just as guilty of this as he is. (Where do you think he learned it?) To be completely honest, it took me a LONG time to realize that I needed to change my ways and to recognize that I truly need to "atone" (for lack of a better word) and not just say I'm sorry. Circumstances and "things' are going to happen and my life isn't going to be a bed of roses...I can't control that. What I CAN control is my behavior and a result NOT be sorry for things I might say or do.
Of course, I am just as guilty of this as he is. (Where do you think he learned it?) To be completely honest, it took me a LONG time to realize that I needed to change my ways and to recognize that I truly need to "atone" (for lack of a better word) and not just say I'm sorry. Circumstances and "things' are going to happen and my life isn't going to be a bed of roses...I can't control that. What I CAN control is my behavior and a result NOT be sorry for things I might say or do.
This is NOT easy for me.
I'm a reactor. I made a conscious decision to NOT react to things that
bothered me right away. NOT to do or say things that I would be sorry
for. And sure enough the minute (or shortly thereafter) I made that
decision, my son did something that made me CRAZY. And while I DIDN'T
behave as perfectly as I would have liked to (I'm still lacking the halo), I
DID do "better" than I would have in the past. I did react to
the situation, but not right away. (I tried to be thoughtful before
getting emotional. And that is NOT easy...at least not for me!)
I am not perfect. (My son
and ANYONE in my family will tell you that!) But I am trying to be the
kind of person that doesn't have to say I'm sorry. I'm trying to be the
person who thinks before she throws the plate on the floor. (We all know
how in the heat of an emotional moment how easy that is!)
I know I'm going to slip
up. I know there are still thousands (millions?) of”I'm Sorry" in my
future. But I am focusing on stopping, taking a moment (or two or however many
it might take) before I act or react. I'm pretty confident that IF I keep
it up, there will be less sorrys in my future.
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