Terrible Tuesday?



 Things are pretty crazy in the world  I keep thinking back to the "popular" questions:   are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?  Now four years ago , we were still in the midst of Covid, which was definitely NOT a fun time.   However, by then  we were moving forward.  Vaccines were on the horizon.   So while it was not a great time, it felt like we were emerging from the dark days of 2020. There was reason for hope.  Today...I'm not feeling the hope.  (Though I do try to see the bright side whenever I can.)  I continue to battle anxiety.  Anxiety that I feel for myself and for the world at large.  

Let's been honest, chaos surrounds us, no matter who we are or where we are .What the heck is going on?  What the hell happened to common sense and decency?  When did "Christian values" cease to include Christ's teachings?  You DO know the guy who the religion was named for him, right?  He directed us to love our neighbor as ourselves and when he said neighbor he wasn't just referring to the family next door.  On this planet, we are all neighbors and if you are a follower of Christ, you are called to care for all.

But I'm not going to get into all of that today.  (Although it very clearly does need to be discussed...and discussed RATIONALLY...meaning without any screaming or yelling.  Is that even possible today?)  Just thinking about the insanity that has been unleased gives me anxiety.  And I don't need any more anxiety...my tiny little life gives me enough.  My own pathetic little world which does not include wars, exclusion or mass deportation is nowhere near as stressful as all those things (and there is so much more as you know...why the heck won't it stop? ), but I still find myself with a heavy chest and shaking hands all too often.  (Cutting back the caffeine might help as well as a host of other things that I am TRYING to focus on to keep on an even keel, but....)

This Tuesday, I've already gotten my share of anxiety and questions without getting into the "real issues" of the day. Simple questions like why did a NY Post show up on my sidewalk this morning?  I'm not adverse to getting a morning newspaper. (And I mourn the loss of The Star Ledger; my father would read it every morning.  Or almost every morning and the lack of a physical copy hurts as it reminds me of him.  I know they are online, but there is just something about a physical paper that is different.) It was dark when I saw it and I brought it in.  I debated throwing it right in the recycling bin (which was already outside) before realizing that it probably should have gone to my neighbor two doors down.  So I went back out and put it on his front stoop.  I did it for two reasons:  (1) it was the right thing to do (I hope...if it wasn't his paper...well...) and (2) I can use all the good karma I can get.

Once that was done it was time to get ready for the trek to the office today.  Since my body no longer seems to allow me to sleep past 3:30 (give or take) when I am going into the office (anxiety, anxiety, anxiety), I was planning on taking the early bus again.  But when I checked in, the app said the next bus was in 6 minutes...way before the scheduled time.  I figured the bus that came before six in the morning (I'm trying to stick to my guns and NOT get on a bus before then) was running late, but I didn't think I could pull that off, so I waited.  Once that bus had "left the app" (it had passed my point), I checked to see the time for "my" bus.  It was 6;14 as usual, but as I got ready to go, it became "delayed".  I kept checking and checking, but it was still delayed.  (More anxiety) So I headed for the 6:30 bus which picks me up at a different corner (further away from the house).  As I headed there, that was delayed!  AND the bus that came after it was delayed as well!  (Okay, I know this isn't major, but damn it if my anxiety didn't kick into high gear over this!)  What the heck is going on with NJ Transit?  I am thankful that it was "warmish" today while I waited.  (Even though it was warmer than usual, my hands still got pretty cold.  I seem to have cold hand syndrome all of a sudden.  Yes, I think I just made that up, but it is true, as it pertains to my hands.)  6:30 showed up at 6:37 (and the early bus at the other corner was still saying "delayed" so I guess I made the right choice.)  I have to wonder what the heck is going on.  (And how bad will  my commute home be) All these delayed buses and they’re not coming from the same area (one is coming from the North to my corner and the other comes from the West on the further corner), so it doesn't make sense.  NJ Transit, what is going on?  (And WHY do the escalators from the City Light Rail up to the main floor of Penn Station not function?  Climbing those 40 not moving, different height, stairs in the morning is not a great way to start my workday.)

And so, before my day even "officially" began and I had my cup of coffee, I was already stressed.  Who needs that?  I certainly don't.  And I hadn't even taken a look at the news of the day (despite getting that paper).  I have yet to find a way to balance news I need to know with not having my blood pressure go through the roof when I hear what the litany of the day's crazy is.

While I would like world peace (and who doesn't?  Maybe we shouldn't answer that because it seems like there are some bat-shit "leaders" [or perhaps I should say rulers because I'm  not seeing quality leadership] who seem to revel in making life as difficult and awful for as many people as possible and could give a crap about peace), I would settle for world calm.  (How is that for a giant run on sentence with too many grammatical errors to count?  I apologize to my English teachers.) National calm?  General calm.  ANY calm?

Calm...I need it.  Calm...WE ALL need it.  Not just for this terrible Tuesday but for an extended period of time.  Calm...it's what humanity needs.  (And yes,  despite all the crap, I still believe in humanity.  I hope you do too.)


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