Light In The Darkness

 

It's dark.  It's cold.  It's not even officially winter yet (we've got one more day of autumn...or just less than a day), and it already feels like it's been here FOREVER.    

I exaggerate, I know.   But this has been a difficult year.  It's been a difficult year for me personally.  It's been a difficult year for the world.  (Is anyone going to disagree with me on that?)  I know that life is never easy.  (Does anyone think it ever is?  If so, I want to know you!)  And while there have been plenty of positives in my life this year, there has also been a great deal of anxiety, stress, hurt and doubt.  Like many, I feel a heaviness inside me.  (And I'm not talking about physical weight.)

As the shortest, darkest day of the year approaches, I need to remind myself that life is a pendulum.  It swings high and it goes low.  Neither of which lasts forever.  (Although it may seem like it lasts forever and that is what makes it so difficult.)

When we are in the dark, we need to seek the light.  Again, not easy.  And finding some light may not (and probably will not) wipe out the darkness.   However, it may make it a little bit more tolerable and during times of darkness, tolerable is a step in the right direction.

I've been told that breathing exercises help.  I know I need to remember to breathe.  I found the phrase (from one of my favorite anthems) goes well with breathing.  Inhale:  "It is well."  Exhale:  "With my soul."  Or sometimes I sing (in my head) a different anthem: "Hold me, Lord, hold me.  Hold me in the hollow of your hand."  It helps a little.  To be frank, it doesn't help ENOUGH, but it does help somewhat.

I also rely on hugs from my family and conversing the friends.  (Even if it's not about the topic at hand.)

I also have found that the joy of others can bring some comfort/relief.  This past week has been particularly stressful for me.  I was off on Wednesday while we moved some additional large items from NJ to PA.  (The moving company must love me!  Or at least my check book.)  I was anxious about that and I was anxious about work.  (End of the year is always stressful; this year is crazier than ever.  I think I say that every year and every year it's true.)  The previous two days had me shaken with apprehension.  It didn't help that more and more business emails came in with issues.  (I know...don't check, but when you get hundreds a day, not checking just makes it worse upon your return.)  By the end of the day I was a mess.  I had promised to attend an Advent zoom meeting and I really wanted to give it a pass, but I did not.  While I will fully admit that I was not as focused as I normally would have been, listening to others was calming.  And being in a safe space at the end of the session to admit to the group (most of whom I do not know and those that I do, I don't know well) that I was struggling and needed to be held in prayer.  

However, what helped the most that day was a call from my son who had feared that he was not going to pass one of his classes and that he would have to retake it.  Even before he gave us the news that he passed, I could hear the joy in his voice.  His joy transported me.  That his burden was lifted, helped mine to be lighter.  Mine did not go away (and indeed it came back the very next day), but in the darkness of that evening, his joy brought me light.  I will take the light wherever and whenever I can find it.

 I try and take comfort and remember this verse:  "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  Even the tiniest bits of light in our lives can get us through the darkness.  We CAN get through the darkness.  A new day with dawn.  Light will return.  Rely on that knowledge and know that you are not alone.