Dear Dad: The Cemetery Wreath

 




Dear Dad,

For years and years (decades and decades?) you faithfully went down to the "family plot" every December and hung a wreath on the large headstone.  It was quite a process.  When you were younger, you purchased a "plain" wreath and decorated it yourself.  In later years, I believe you purchased one that already was decorated.  One weekend afternoon, you would go down with the wreath, twine, mallet, piece of cardboard and stake to  hang it.  It was at least a two person job.

The stake would go in the ground behind the headstone.  Twine would be tied to the wreath.  The wreath would be carefully positioned so that the cross at the top of the headstone would be (somewhat) visible in the middle of the wreath.  A piece of cardboard would be tented at top of stone and then the wreath would be lowered and the twine tied to the stake.  (The cardboard was so that the twine would not damage the stone.)  It was a simple enough task, but not simple at all.  It required precision.  It took patience.  I believe it was a labor of love.  (Or maybe not.  Maybe it was just a tradition that was handed down to you and you felt that you had no other choice.)

You trained my husband to do this.  He and I would help you.  I don't know if our son ever came along for the ride while you were still doing it.  But once you could do it no more, it was up to the three of us.  The torch had been passed. It was expected, even if we weren't big fans.  (I'll be honest, it wasn't a labor of love for me.  It was a cold pain.)

Christmas is now ten days away and the task has been weighing on my mind.  In between all the other craziness (much of it work related), I've been wondering how and when we would get this done. I thought about it and knew that this had to be the weekend.  But it had been so cold and the ground would be hard.  I really didn't want to do the wreath.

So I came to a decision, and with the approval of your sister and my cousin (who has been taking care of the plot), made up my mind that instead of a wreath, we would do a grave blanket.  In my mind I could see it laid out in front  of the stone and nothing written on it would be obscured.

I bought one this morning after church. The price was shocking, but then again aren't most things these days?  The convenience negated the cost.  Plus time was running out, so there was no time for comparison shopping.  (Maybe next year)  My son put it in the back of the car and the three of us went down to the cemetery this afternoon, after a quick run to the hardware store to pick up a mallet.  (The one we usually use is now in the Poconos.)

While I knew there were some plantings in front of the stone, I didn't think at this time of year it would be much of a problem.  What I DIDN'T remember (and only looking back over old photos did I realize) the amount of leaves that were piled up in front of the stone.  Although even looking back at photos from last year (or was it the year before that), it didn't seem that there were as many leaves then as there were today.  If I HAD taken the time to look back before we left, I would have brought a rake.  Instead, your grandson and I both used our hands and feet to try and move away as much of the dead leaves as we could.  We did an okay job, but I don't know if it would get your approval.


As for the blanket itself I think it looks lovely in front of the stone.  Your sister agrees.  Would you approve?  Probably not.  It's different.  It's not what has always been done.  But I hope you do understand and that you know that this, in my own way, was a way to show my love and respect for you and for all of our relatives that rest there.

So much has changed over the past few years.  And while this isn't exactly the tradition you upheld,  on this third Sunday in Advent, I hope it is good enough.

With love,

Me


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