This Girl is On Fire?

 


The past three years have been rough.  I've blogged out it plenty so I won't go back and review all the "stuff" (which are admittedly first world problems) I've dealt with.    On July 31st, we finally closed the sale of the shore house (the one that was my parents for nearly 30 years) and I thought I had turned a corner.  I have/had some good news, which I am not quite ready to share (stay tuned for future posts) and although I am a bit nervous/anxious about what I've yet to publically announce, I was feeling good.  Excited.  Happy.  Wow!

Then on Friday I got disappointing news from my place of employment that put a damper on the whole thing.  I allowed it to kill me joy for a good portion of the weekend.  I am hoping that this week I will be able to have a rational discussion with those who determine the fate of employees and that we might be able to come to a compromise of some sorts.  I'm trying to remain hopeful.

Last night I went to bed hoping to get a good night's sleep.  I hadn't had one the night before and I was really tired.  I went to sleep early (as I usually do), but right before I woke up, I had a very vivid, but confusing dream.  It went something like this.

I was in my office, but not my office. (You know how it is).  My desk/work area moved by elevator. My workspace was much bigger (that was a positive), but there was a work space separating me from my manager. (In real life we sit right next to each other)  There was really no one in my area that I knew.  I tried to get to work; I wanted to go through my email and was having problems.  Although there were people in the office no one was talking to me.  I knew it was winter out and I believe I had a coat?  I might have gone out to the building's parking lot and gotten in my car to go home.  (Again, something I don't do in real life since I take the bus).  Then I was at house, only like my office it was my house but not.  First it seemed to be the house at the shore, as it was on a lagoon, but when I went in it was my house with the brick steps leading inside and the interior pretty much being what it is.  I'm inside and I look at the front door and realize that the house is lined in Christmas lights and that one of the wires on the ground is on fire.  I go stamp it out and another wire starts to burn.  I'm screaming to the people inside (believe it was my parents) about the fire, but no one seems to respond, I run around the back of the house (note the lagoon and shore setting is gone) to pull the plug out of the outlet.  Little fires are popping up everywhere the lights/wires are in the front of the house.  I try to call 911, but get some business instead. I keep yelling that there is a fire and trying to put them out...

And then I wake up with the Alicia Keyes song "This Girl Is On Fire" playing in my head.  It's a song I don't know that well. I know the tune and the refrain, but not the complete lyrics, which I looked up before I wrote this.  Some of them definitely spoke to me:  " She's just a girl and she's on fire...She's livin' in a world and it's on fire. Filled with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away...Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. She got both feet on the ground and she's burnin' it down. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. She got her head in the clouds and she's not backin' down. This girl is on fire. This girl is on fire. She's walkin' on fire.   This girl is on fire."

I'm sure Freud would have a field day with all of this.  I've got some idea of what this dream reflects, but maybe not all.  (If you want to play Freud, feel free to email me.)  But I am going to take heart from the lyrics "She' got both feet on the ground and she's burnin' it down...she's got her head in the clouds and she's not backin' down."  "They" knock me down, but I'm not out.  Even if I'm not a girl on fire, I am (an older) woman.  So maybe I should take heart to these lyrics from the past:  You can bend but never break me,  cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal. And I come back even stronger, not a novice any longer cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul. Yes, I am wise, but it's wisdom born of pain. Yes, I've paid the price but look how much I've gained. If I have to, I can do anything! I am strong (strong)! I am invincible (invincible)! I am woman!"

Yes I am...




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