Dear Mom & Dad: Change

 

Dear Mom & Dad,

I KNOW you would agree; change is hard.  Change is challenging.  Change is inevitable.

October is definitely a month of change.  For me it's the most visible month where we see the transition from one season to the next.  The leaves change colors, the Halloween decorations go up.  (Late Sunday afternoon our beloved neighbors, the K family, were putting up their flying witch, having already put up their giant skeleton [the one that is 12 feet tall and nearly impossible to purchase because there is so much demand for it].  Later, when I put out the trash, I saw that the new neighbors, right across the street from them had put up their own giant skeleton.  Seems like there is going to be a real decoration challenge happening...and my life size Mr. Bones is not going to cut the muster.)  The temperatures start to dip. (It was quite cold last week, but today I'm back in no sleeves because it's going to almost hit 80 today and tomorrow...talk about change!)  The sun appears in the east later (it was not yet light out when I headed out for the bus this morning; the front door light automatically went on when I stepped out) and sinks in the west earlier.

Change has been so much a part of my life over the past two years.  There have been so many big, life-effecting changes, that maybe that's why now I am seeing the "smaller" ones.  For example, I look in the mirror and see how much my hair has changed.  I've always had thin hair. (The only thin thing about me which is incredibly frustrating.)  It's getting thinner and I wonder should I try some sort of product, not to necessarily generate more hair.  (I tried minoxidil and didn't see any real difference.)  I'd just like it to be less thin?  There are so many products out there (none with low cost), that make promises which I doubt they can deliver on. Plus alopecia is in my genetics.  So I wonder what to do.  My beloved bangs (which hide the deep lines on my forehead; courtesy of dad's genes) are pathetically wispy, so I'll trying to grow them out.  (Which I know would make you happy mom.)  I'm not exactly sure how that will go or work out. (I'm not really happy with what I saw in the mirror this morning.) And should I be trying to find some kind of "miracle serum" to make those lines, no disappear, but be less prominent?  Again, lots of products and promises, but...Maybe I should get a make over like my cousin did last week?  She looked great, and I'm stuck in the rut of doing what I've always done.  While I am not sure if I want to get out of that, I probably should.  But at what cost?

Other physical changes that I've started to notice is that it's easier to put on weight and harder to take off.  (Not that it's ever been easy!)  Over the past 9-10 months I've lost and gained the same 5 or so pounds.  My "exercise" routine has changed because my body has dictated it; mostly my left knee which caused so much trouble at the end of last year.  Sometimes it still feels "not right."  (I don't know what that means either.)  I'm not walking in the mornings; unless I'm headed for the express bus.  (Which is about a mile downhill in the morning; and uphill at the end of the day...that should count for something.)  I'm using the stationary pedals instead for 45 minutes to an hour.  That way I can catch the news and do the wordle and connections puzzles (I failed at both this morning...not a good sign for a Monday); something I couldn't do while walking.  (Although now I'm not listening to the podcasts that I used to since my walking time was also my listening time.  When am I going to catch up on You Must Remember This and Mobituaries?)  If I am at the shore, I am still keeping my promise to myself to walk up to the beach every day (if nothing else), which is not much walking but it IS something.  I did purchase an inexpensive (relatively) rowing machine that I keep in the den at the shore and use in 20 minute intervals (which is what is recommended) while I watch tv.  Is it doing anything?  I don't know.  (Maybe I'm using it enough, but I'm not dragging it back and forth between North and South Jersey.)

Finally, the neighborhoods are changing.  Yes, plural.  The little block that I've called home since I was 7, has a new family.  I see this as a "good" change because they  have a little girl and this block was made for families with kids to run free.  (What a blessing it was for our son to grow up on a small block with two other kids the exact same age!)  The same can be said for the block at the shore, which is where the change is more pronounced since there has been so much turn over in such a short amount of time.  (At least in my eyes).  Mrs. C's house was sold, razed, rebuilt and a family with two small(ish) boys spent the summer there.  Mrs. G's house was sold, NOT razed (amazingly) and a family with 2 or 3 children spent the summer there, playing various ballgames in the middle of the street. (Fine as long as the ball doesn't bash in my car taillight, like the B family boys did to YOUR car in 1980s.)  MB's house is still under construction (Dad, you would be fascinated by the structure.)  Paul R. put his home on the market in August (?) and a new family was moving in Saturday. (With their large SUV parked in "your spot")  I spotted two little girls (or maybe I should say heard, because there was a LOT of shrieking) and an older boy.  (I also spotted OUR garbage can FILLED to the brim with trash that wasn't ours!  Turns out that even though the house has sold, Paul still has "stuff", some of which he filled our trashcan with and some that is residing in another neighbor's garage!)  I have to wonder how much longer the few remaining "older" families will last.

 I may include myself in that. As I've noted, it's becoming more and more apparent, that I am OLD.  (No matter how much I want to deny it) Some days, I think I should have sold the house immediately (days where the wind and rain bring back memories of Superstorm Sandy) and then others where I want to stay forever.  Like yesterday when it was cool enough in the morning for pumpkin spice coffee and warm enough by mid day to sit out on the back deck.  It was calm and peaceful with no cacophony of the summer months, but not isolated.  In other words; a perfect day which I wished would never end.

But days end; seasons change.  I struggle with it some days (like when I wish I could call/text/talk with you) and others I embrace it (when my son shares  his college adventures).  I guess all I can do is keep moving forward...and accept whatever change comes.

Love you,

Me