Tired of being (K)needy

 


So here I am a week out with the knee problem and I am so very tired of this all.  I know that I am whining and that there are a lot more problems in this world, but I am fed up with not being able to do much of anything.  And when I DO managed to do SOMETHING, I am miserable.

I spent Monday-Thursday pretty much sitting on my behind.  I couldn't make it to choir on Tuesday  night. (The rehearsal ended up being cancelled...a pretty big thing in the middle of Advent.I didn't go to the office on Wednesday because I didn't think I could handle the bus and walking to the office.  Even if I drove, I don't know if I could have managed it.   Even parking in the garage that is part of the building, there would be the walk up to the main floor, then onto the elevator and over to my chair.  It's not far, but it IS far these day. It's sad and pathetic to say it, but my work station is on the opposite side of the the floor from the ladies room and that would have been a problem.  

On Friday I DID go to Shoprite with my husband at our early morning hour.  It was difficult, painful and frustrating. (Getting in and out of the car is a challenge too.) Although I will say that when I wake up in the morning, walking is not too much of a problem.  It's after I'm up for 5 minutes or so and continue to move around that I start having problems.  That's what makes it even more frustrating because there are moments of good, but mostly not.  There are times, even in the middle of the day (mostly I think when I am on a softer surface) that I am NOT in pain and walking pretty well and then there is the rest of the day.

On Saturday, I couldn't take it any more and did end up working at the thrift shop.  I was good standing (in one place) and pricing items.  I was good sitting at the checkout table.  (I tallied up costs and took money.)  However, moving around was something I couldn't do.  I couldn't check out what we had in the shop or help put items out for sale.  (Which is what I regularly do.)  I felt like I wasn't much help at all, and that was upsetting.

I should have called it quits after a couple of hours, but I had agreed to take my son to visit a friend who lives about 20  miles away.  Driving is not a problem (once I get in the car), but while I was out I had to make a few stops (since they were on the way home and I'm trying to be organized and not waste time and gas going back and forth to places.  That meant getting in and out of the car and walking around a bit.  Then, later that night, I had to go back to pick him up.  As a result I moved around more and rested less, which probably wasn't a good thing.

I did make it to church. (I have two different stories that I shared with people as to how I got into this prediciment...one involves a child and a burning building, the other involves the Kama Sutra.  Neither story is particularly believable, but are definitely more interesting than the truth.)  I managed to sing with the choir and enjoy our annual visit from harpist Robbin Gordon-Cartier.  (It is NOT the holiday season until she plays her amazing "Go Tell It On The Mountain.")  Hearing her play always brings me great joy.  But I did do some more walking and moving around, which means more discomfort now.



I was particularly disappointed that when Santa made his annual today visit to our block (on a fire truck), this year accompanied on another fire truck by the Grinch, that I could got just throw on a pair of shoes and head out to the street to see them.  (Additionally,  there were several cars parked on either side of the road which meant that the trucks could  not back down all the way to the end of our dead end, so I didn't even really get to wave to either one of them.)  This town wide tradition also includes the helpers collecting food items for our local food pantry.  I had really wanted to go and help sort all the donations today, but again had to forgo that.  

While I really am tired of the pain/discomfort, I am more angrily frustrated at all that I cannot (and should not) do.  I've gotten great advice from people as to what I SHOULD do.  However, what I've also been told is that this takes TIME.  More time that this impatient woman is willing to give.

I know there is a lesson in here.  Bfh, you need to take the time to rest (which you so rarely do).  Bfth, self care is important; you need to listen to your body.  (I'll admit that's a BIG challenge for me.)   Bfth, SLOW DOWN.  (Definitely not my style; how can I slow down when there is so much to do? )

Maybe I need to take a deep breath and actually learn/follow those lessons. Maybe...

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