Frustrated With Myself


I am angry and upset with myself.  As much as I know it's not a big deal and I should let it go (cue the music), I'm having a really hard time doing just that.  I am NOT a "let it go" person or personality; this is a major character flaw!

So what am I so (stupidly) upset about?  I purchased tickets to see "Clue" at The Paper Mill Playhouse .  My son is a theater kid and we all love going to see shows, but tickets are not cheap.  (Yes, I know you can get inexpensive tickets, but I also fully admit that as a theater snob I want to be up close and person.  I've said it before I want to SEE the actors’ faces and reactions.  I'm the same way when it comes to concerts.  I don't want to go to a concert to watch a performer on a screen, I want to BE in the moment and really see the perfomer(s).)  If I could we'd go to see shows all the time.  Honestly, I think we should probably see some more local community theater, but that's a blog for another day.

Finding a day for the show that fit our schedules wasn't easy since my son is in school and rehearsing a musical that will open next week.  Hence most days he starts school at 7:20 and gets home around 6.  That's a LONG day.  Plus he has rehearsals on weekends, so I was trying to find a time where he could enjoy and not go to school the next day (and I wouldn't have to go to work the next day).  The best option happened to be last night (Sunday) which also was the show's closing performance.

I bought the tickets on line (downloading the app so there were no physical tickets involved).  I put it on our Google calendar.  I put it on our white board calendar.  Do you know where I am going with this?

No we did NOT miss the show.  I did NOT forget that we had tickets.  What I did was forget the time; even though it was on two calendars, I had gotten an email reminder and it was on the digital tickets.  The show was at 7; in my mind it was at 7:30 (which is the time of my son's musical).  So I took my time leaving the house and getting to the theater.  Driving there I noticed that there was not a lot of traffic and that we'd have plenty of time to kill.  I was so wrong!

We pulled into the lot and there were a lot of cars.  I was surprised, but got a good spot and paid the man for parking.  We walked to the entry (there is only one due to Coved). We showed our proof of vaccination (which was thorough and took some time) and went in.   Since the show was supposed to be 90 minutes with no intermission, I went to the ladies room and then we showed our digital tickets and were shown into the theater.

I should have known something was up when I saw the doors were closed.  I KNEW something was off when it was so dark inside and that there were announcements being made.  And of course almost all the seats were full.  What had happened?  I was SURE that the show was for 7:30.  At that point in time I was SURE of it.  Though we saw ALL of the show (which was less than 90 minutes; incredibly fast paced and very funny), my frustration with myself definitely impacted my enjoyment of the show. Which in turn annoyed me because the show was REALLY good and I SHOULD have (and wanted to) enjoy the show and not let be irritated by the fact that we had ALMOST missed the beginning of the show.

When we got home that night, I checked the calendars; I checked the tickets (closely) and sure enough they said 7 PM.  What the heck had happened to me?  Why had I almost sabotaged myself (and my family)?  Most importantly HOW could I have forgotten?

Forgetting things is something that I worry about.  My maternal grandfather had Alzheimer’s (I was before the term was common) and my grandmother had a stroke.  My mother KNOWS she forgets things.   When speaking to my father today he did not remember that his mother used a walker for the last several years of her life and had physically issues that are very similar to his own.  Now I am forgetting things...should I be worried?  (Feel free to chime in.)

I DO forget a lot.  I AM getting older.  So I worry.  But as we all know, worrying isn't going to get me anywhere.  What can I do?  (Again, feel free to chime in.)  The obvious is I can take care of myself.  The old stand bys:  eat right, exercise, get enough rest.  They are common sense items because they make sense.  Cutting down on alcohol consumption could help. 

However, the best thing I CAN do for myself (which sounds easy, but isn't necessarily so) is to focus. My world, our world, is so full of distractions (how many times did I stop writing to check out social media?).  If I would allow myself to focus on one specific thing at a time, I'm sure I would be much better off.  

But who focuses on one thing at a time these days?  We know multi-tasking is not the answer, yet we constantly do it.  I know I have a very hard time stopping it.  However, I can try.

The other thing I can do (and am FOCUSING on) is repetition.  I am going downstairs to pack my son's lunch for tomorrow.  I get up from my desk to go do that.  As I head down the stairs I say to myself:  "I am going to make my son a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" in my mind.  Let it become my mantra as I go into the kitchen.  And as I do it, I expand upon it; what else will go in his lunch? Where can I place him water bottle so that it won't be forgotten in the morning?  Then when it is all done, THEN I should focus on the next thing I want to do (if I can remember!)  Maybe this seems to simple or basic, but if it works?  Repeating in my mind over and over again what my current goal is, no matter how simple or silly, SHOULD help.  

Of course I will continue to write things down, but I've got to read what I've written.  Not just once; REPETITION!

Will this help?  Stay tuned for future updates...and as always I'm up to suggestions.  I know that I am not the only one who forgets.  I'm not the only one who gets frustrated by it.  So if I'm describing you, let's work each other.   Who just might work.


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