50 to 50: 5 Days In

It's day 6 of my 50 days to 50...which means there are 44 days to go until the big day.  (That is if my math is correct, I was never much good in math.  I wouldn't do so well on that new standardized testing that we do here in NJ, but that's a whole other story...)  Since I started blogging about my goal/challenge, I'm going to keep it up and be honest.  Here's what's been going on since Monday when the challenge started:

• I've walked at least 30 minutes every day.  Not that this was much of a challenge for me, since I've been doing that pretty much every day for the past 4 years.  The weather has been cooperating mostly, which means I've been able to get outside and walk early.  My longest walk was 4.17 miles which took me an hour and fifteen minutes.  Today (day 6) was my shortest time wise; just an hour and it started to rain.  Weather channel told me it was just cloudy.  Which it was when I started.  Then it got a little drizzly.  That was fine.  Then it started to rain, which was not fine.  But I was out there doing it, which is a good thing.  

• The taking 10 minutes to relax or meditate hasn't happened every day.  I did 10 minutes on Monday.  I forgot on Tuesday.  On Wednesday and Thursday, I did about 7 minutes.  Those were also the days that I managed to get to the park on lunch.  (Walked to the park then sat myself down on a bench, took in my surrounding and did some reading.  I haven't been reading as much as I'd like and the current book in my Pulitzer Prize project is Lonesome Dove which is a LONG book!)  Yesterday I only managed 3 or so minutes.  But I am taking time to "relax" if not necessarily meditate, which is a start.  

• The no alcohol/wine rule is a harder than I thought.  After a week at work, I REALLY wanted a glass of wine last night. The fact that I really wanted a glass bothered me a bit.  It was a long week (they all are, aren't they??) and I really wanted to wind down with the smidge of wine that I have left in the bottle in my fridge.  Not good.  But I ignored the "I had a hard week and I deserve this."  (What is that all about any way???)  I "deserve" a lot, but I also need to in better control of myself, which brings me to...

• Eating better.  While not set as a goal (or at least written down), I want to lose some weight.  I had been on the weight watchers program in 2011-2012 and it’s a great program.  It works...that is when you work with it.  As much as I'd like there to be, there is no magic bullet.  Being a healthy weight and being healthy overall can be hard work.  It's NOT easy.  (Don't let anyone tell you elsewise.)  Some days are not as hard as others, but staying consistent IS challenging.  I thought I'd cut down on my junk food consumption.  In reality I didn't.  I DID eat more fruit. I did cut my sweets down and have been eating dark chocolate only with one exception on Wednesday evening.  Despite this, which should have been my best efforts, but clearly were not (and I'm kidding myself if I think it was), I've GAINED a few pounds.  Which is a big problem.  Because warm weather is on the way and I'm NOT going to be able to fit into my wardrobe.  (I'm already having some challenges with that in my current wardrobe.)  When I was on Weight Watchers I never hit my goal, but I got pretty close and I am currently at 15 pounds heavier than I was at my lightest. (This is still 30 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest...a number that I never want to get close to again.  It's hard for me to write that I've gained so much and when I saw what the number was this morning, I wanted to cry.)  If it was financially feasible, I would go back to Weight Watchers, but as it is not, I've got to own up to myself.  I've got to be responsible for my own choices.  And as I've said before, my biggest problem is thoughtlessly putting food into my mouth (especially at work).  So if anyone out there has any thoughts, tips, etc. I'd appreciate it.  I've failed myself and I've only got myself to blame.  I need to own this and I've been sneaking in too many salty snacks and thoughtlessly putting food in my mouth (and rationalizing it).  Saying "no" is difficult and I need to come up with a way to change my way of thinking...Instead of saying "no" and being negative, there has GOT to be a positive.  I don't know what that positive is though.  I need to come up with a "reward" versus a "no you can't eat this now."  Again, if anyone has any thoughts....

So here I am in day 6.  I've still got a long way to go and some serious adjusting to do when it comes to my dietary habits.  But when it come to the exercise and taking time to relax, I'm making small steps forward.  This is a 50-day journey...there is still plenty of time to keep moving forward and hold myself from going back (into bad habits).  While I am a little depressed (maybe more than a little) and sad about my lack of progress on the weight side, my rational side tells me that I can't let that hold me back.  That each new day offers promise and I have the choice as to what to do with it.