You Are Better Than Me

(Disclaimer:  As I write this, I have my tongue firmly pressed in my cheek.)

It's time to admit it. It's time to throw in the towel.  You ARE better than me.

You were more popular in elementary school, junior high and high school.  We didn't go to the same university, but I know that you were popular there too.  And if I had been there (your school was so much more prestigious than mine), I know I would never have been as popular as you.

You have a better job with an impressive title.  I've never been invited to your office, but I bet you have a big one with at least one window.  I sit in a cubicle.  (Although there have been times when I've had an actual office, sadly those days are gone.)

You have a nicer house than me.  Mine is old and shows its age.  Paint peels, tiles fall off the wall and the plaster is bowing and cracking.  You just put a new addition on yours.  You have all the latest gadgets that make it a showplace.  Your kitchen is bigger and would make a professional chef proud.  And your house is dust free from top to bottom.  I clean, but the dust bunnies do seem to be at home on the range and if you go around barefoot, beware the Lego.

I may have a slightly bigger yard than you, but you have a more impressive one.  Your yard is has a deck and lawn furniture that I can only dream off.  You have exotic flowers and plants that grow; I have wild flowers and weeds.  We do both keep our yards neat, but I don't have a fire pit or a pool with glowing twinkle lights.

You have a nicer car than me.  I love my SUV, but I know having an imported sports car is better.  I'm sure you get better mileage too as you fly down the highway with the convertible top down.

You are thinner than I am and much better dressed.  While I exercise and try to watch what I eat, I still haven't hit my goal.  I don't belong to a gym of any kind and have no fancy equipment other than some hand weights. My wardrobe and my family's mostly come from the local thrift shop (where I volunteer) and I do have clothes from Kmart/Walmart.  I haven't walked in the door of a Nordstrom’s in years (and even then it was just to get to another part of the mall).

You are prettier than I am.  You had clear skin in your teens; I had acne and still do!  But to add injury to insult I now have acne AND wrinkles.  Although I do have a few high end items in my make-up basket, much of the creams, lotions, shadows and lipsticks that I owe come from CVS, Walgreens or Target.  Don't cringe too much, but I think I still have an Ultima II lipstick.

You eat better.  Sure, I buy fruits and vegetables, but they aren't from the trendy Farmer's Market and many of the veggies are frozen.  I shop at the grocery store where I can get the best price and don't have them delivered to my home.  My fish comes from a can and my beef is chopped.  I do take my family out to eat, although it is only occasionally. I do bring home fast food from Taco Bell, McDonald and even Dominoes (please don't be shocked at my lack of gourmet pizza).  I can't remember the last time I had a full course sit down meal in a restaurant (although I'll blame that on my allergies and not my financial resources).

You drink better.  Sometimes my wine comes from a box, or a bottle with a screw top. I have no need for a wine rack, let alone a wine cellar.  (Besides my cellar is unfinished, damp, moldy and the place that I do laundry.) There is no designer beer in my refrigerator.  My liquor cabinet is a cubby in my sideboard and is sparsely populated.  I have no $100+ bottles of scotch.

You vacation better than I do.  That's not to say that I haven't had some wonderful ones with my family. There was a time when I scrimped and saved so my family could stay at a deluxe resort (which was worth every penny).  That was years ago. I've only flown first class once and that was when the airline made an error so big, that they had to offer me something.  I have never been to Hawaii or on a cruise to Alaska. My son does go away to summer camp for 2 weeks, but my definition of camp and yours are a little different.  His "bunk" consists of 4 bunk beds, two dressers and a hanging light bulb.  No one unpacks for him.  There is no heated indoor pool, but there is a lovely lake.

So there is no need to discuss it any more.  No need to point out my flaws and faults.  You can go back to ignoring me.  You are better than I am in so many ways.  Let's just leave it at that.  To try and achieve the perfection that is you is a moot point.  So I'm moving on and staying in my unimportant little life. No matter what you may say or think, I’m happy here.


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