30

My husband and I will be celebrating 30th anniversary this weekend. For our 30th it would have been nice to take a vacation somewhere, however that’s not happening. I think back on all the wonderful anniversary trips we've taken over the years and I miss them but... Instead we are having a party.  (Not quite a trip to Walt Disney World, but…)

 It got me to thinking about our wedding 30 years ago. There were about 100 people or so at our wedding (I wasn’t in charge of the guest list) which I know is not a lot. However, when I think back, I think of all the people who there who are no longer with us. People who are important to me at the time but are no longer part of my life.  So forgive me for being a little maudlin.

The most obvious being my parents. The wedding was really my mom's domain. She and my father arranged for the venue (the yacht club that they belonged to; at the time it was really just a small building with the deck), she arranged the flowers (I don’t even know where she got them), she arranged the music (DJ that she knew whose full-time job was working for the Nabisco company so we nicknamed him the cookie man), and the caterer. (I believe she got his name from a friend and due to all my allergies we were all nervous about the food. I’m pretty sure my mother threatened to cut off his balls if I got sick on my wedding day.  She was NOT kidding.)  We picked out my wedding dress together.  She arranged for me to have a manicure two days before the wedding.  (I think it was the first professional manicure I had!) Most of the guests were friends of my parents, specifically my mother. 

There was my brother who served as one of the ushers. There was my Uncle Harold who served as a proxy grandparent for me. (Yes, I still need to write a blog post about him.) There was his son, my cousin, who served as videographer at the last moment (THANK GOD) and continues to be a very important part of our life even though we don't get to see him as often as we'd like. There was my cousin's wife who was an incredible artist, an extremely funny and gracious lady, who died just a few weeks after my father did. There was my Uncle Jimmy, who danced the night away with his high school girlfriend (his wife didn’t come, but his old girlfriend’s husband was there) and who my son is named for.  Uncle Jimmy died a year or two later, much too young. (The same should be said of my brother.)  There was my father's sister, who I don't see as often as I should, but I do try to call regularly, and her husband who died during the Covid crisis (and he was the inspiration for my post on The Frugal Gourmet). There were my Aunt Sally and Uncle Bob (Bob was my father’s cousin), two wonderful people who brought so much joy to life and lived life to the fullest at all times. 

 And there was my husband's grandmother, who was determined to make it to the wedding no matter what!  I loved that woman’s tenacity.  She tripped and fell before the ceremony but thankfully was not badly hurt, but I always felt slightly guilty about that. 

 There were so many friends of my parents who are no longer with us as well. The friend and coworker (and his wife) of my father who died two days after my father. The old friend (and his wife) who my mother worked for/volunteered for at his real estate office as well as others who worked there. (Including a friend who my mother loaned money to so that he could open his own business.  Rick never fully repaid her, a fact I won’t forget.)  Friends who my parents knew from the yacht club, including one man who swore to his dying day that the cake at my wedding was the best. (By the way there was no cake at my wedding. Vegan bakeries were not yet a thing sadly.)

 And then there were those who I (unfortunately) have lost touch with. My maid of honor, who I think I saw only once or twice after we were married. Perhaps I should have tried harder to keep in touch because I have no idea where she is at this time. I hope she's happy and I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend.  (Of course she could have done her part too, but…) My husband's best man, he hasn't seen since that day, but they have spoken, if infrequently. There were co-workers of mine at the time, but I thought I would never lose touch with them but of course I did.  There were two close friends of my husband who passed within the last 5 or so years.  (Both tragedies in my book) And then there were friends that we specifically cut ties with due to their ideology. (Which is a comment on our State of affairs these days)

 But all is not depressing. Two ministers who married us are still very much alive. I haven't seen Reverend Erik since he retired, which would be over 10 years ago. Pastor Julie, who was not officially ordained until two days after we were married, just celebrated her 100th birthday back in July and we were happy to be a part of the celebration. And of course there are my wonderful in laws. They will be celebrating with us this weekend. So at least two people who saw us married on September 13th 1996 will be there on that same day 30 years later. 

At our celebration we will be welcoming "old" friends (even if they weren't at our wedding 30 years ago) and new.  On the eve of our 30th, we will remember those who are no longer with us and celebrate with those who we love; that is a wonderful gift and a blessing.