Things That Worry Me

I've always been a worrywart. I worry too much. I worry about big things; I worry about little things. And I know worrying won't make things better or even change things, but I worry. 

 Recently with the cold weather I've been worried about the houses. I worry about the house in Pennsylvania with the heat constantly running. Even though I had the furnace serviced in the fall I worry that something will go wrong. 

 I worry about the house in New Jersey. When I leave the house I set the temperature on the thermostat to 62. I worry that that's not warm enough. When I got a call from the oil delivery company on Monday saying that they had tried to deliver oil to the house in New Jersey but were unable to do so as a result of all the snow, I worried even more. I worry that the pipes will freeze. None of this has happened, yet... You can bet when I got home to New Jersey on Monday evening, I made sure to shovel out the back of the house where the fill for the oil tank was covered in ice and snow. This "old lady” chopped ice and shoveled snow on our patio. I chopped ice and shoveled snow on the lawn. (Yes, the LAWN!) I made sure that there was a path so that the delivery man could get to the fill in the near future. (Because I'm worried that we'll run out of fuel!)  It took me over 90 minutes to make a basic pathway, and I'll admit that it isn't the best, but it was the best this exhausted woman could do. And I made sure to call the oil delivery company the next morning and let them know that they should be able to deliver oil now. Fingers crossed they'll come sometime within the week and that we won't have any snow between then and now. But who knows?

 I worry about getting to work. I worry about getting home from work. As I have written before, due to the snow and ice, getting onto a bus can be challenging.  This morning was even more so as for some reason my front steps were covered in ice.  (Which they haven't been!)  I immediately went to get the ice melt, but it's all hardened in one big lump that I couldn't break up.  I tried my best, but I knew I would have to leave even earlier than usual because who knows how the roads and walkways would be like?

 As I've said may times, I have purposely been taking an earlier bus that is closer to our house because there is less ice and snow at that bus stop than at the other one which is slightly further away from my house. Actually, there's no safe way for me to access it because there are mountains of snow in front of the crosswalk on both sides of the street. Nothing has changed over the past 2 weeks.  So that worries me, so I haven't just complained about it; I've tried to do something about it. I called the township public works, and they told me that I needed to contact the county department of public works. Which I did. But I haven't heard back from them.  To this day, I can tell that my corner is not the only corner with this issue. There are plenty of people climbing on piles of snow and ice to try to access the bus. That's something I just can't do.  I worry about myself and I worry about them!

 Finally, one more thing to worry about came to mind the other day when I was riding the city subway. The light rail in the morning and the afternoon is often jam-packed. It is jam-packed with people who don't look like me. It is jam-packed with people who don't talk like me. People of color going to work. People with accents going to school. What would happen if ICE boarded the city light rail? What would I do?  It would be so easy for something like this to happen; the light rail is easy to board and would be easy to drag someone (or multiple someones) off.  (It would be much easier than boarding a bus.) What would I do? It worries me!  And it angers me that I even have to think about this.  (It brings me back to a something I wrote during the pandemic:  https://bfthsboringblog.blogspot.com/2020/06/afraid-of-afraid-for.html) That I even have to consider that something like this might happen one morning when I am on my way to work surrounded by people who do not look or sound like me, but are just like me is unconscionable.   We are all alike. We are all made of the same building blocks. We are all human.  WE ARE ALL HUMAN!  And because what of is going on in the world, everyone who doesn't look like what some people believe an "American" should look like could be grabbed and taken away. (We know that it's happened and NOT just to people who are not in this country "legally.")  What would I do? What should I do? I feel like I need to be prepared. Even though it probably will never happen. It will never happen, right? 

 I worry too much. I've always worried too much. But these days with the way things are going in this world I really worry too much. And I long for the days when things will be dull and boring like they have been before.   Don't you?