I am SO Tired

 But maybe tired isn't the right word.  I'm worn.  I'm sluggish.  I'm unfocused.  So exhausted that I couldn't even begin to write this  for several hours even though I wanted to.  Wait, maybe tired IS the right word!

It's been a long week and while I feel as if I haven't gotten much accomplished, I know that I have gotten SOME things accomplished.  I need to remember Bishop Desmond Tutu's sage advice:  

This week has been full of small bites, just not necessarily the bites that I wanted to take. There is so much that I NEED to do and that I (unjustly) feel that I MUST do NOW.  I've forgotten that things take time.  (Or to quote Ringo:  "Time takes time.")  So rather than focus on what I DIDN'T do (call the plumber, gas up the car, go to the ATM) or things that I COULDN'T do yet (close out my dad's bank account, get the will into probate), I should think about what I DID do.  Let me think about the small bites of elephant that I DID take:

  • Arranged another memorial for my dad at the end of the month at the shore (but I haven't put together a photo collage or written anything that I'd like to say there)
  • Worked a full time job (but did so remotely and didn't physically go into the office)
  • Cleaned out 3 kitchen cabinets  (but there are a dozen more to go)
  • Cleaned out most of the pantry; donating what hadn't expired to my local food pantry and tossing the rest (but ignoring other shelves; especially shelves that I can't reach without help)
  • Emptied the majority of bureau drawers at the shore house (but still haven't organized what is left)
  • Tossed out most of the food stuff and odds and ends that my dad's caregiver left behind (but there is still more and the bag of clothes that she left for me to donate to the thrift shop is still sitting in the living room)
  • Aired out the house (but it still needs cleaning and even though the cleaning team is coming next week there were things I could have done)
  • Got rid of the worn/torn mattress pad that was on the caregiver's bed (but haven't made that bed or any of the other beds in the house that need to be done.)
  • Filled a HUGE garbage can with "stuff" (but I should have borrowed the neighbors and filled that as well)

Maybe 'm not so good at focusing on the little bites!

 The fact of the matter is that when someone dies there is so much to do besides just dealing with the death.  (Just?!)  There is the aftermath.  There are the administrative tasks.  There are the little chores and cleaning out to do.   People to thank.   Just so much STUFF.

 And there's no way to do it right away because if you did try to do it, you'd be overwhelmed.  (Remember, that's my word of the year).  Even if you don't try to do it all, it's still overwhelming when you think of it.

 Then you forget.  Example:  today I was up at 5:30 to do my weekly grocery shopping with hubby.  We bought a bunch of stuff (as we usually do) and since I haven't been "home" for a couple of days, I bought some lamb to throw in the crock pot. (Hubby's not a fan, but my teen and I love it and since he's got 3 parties over the weekend, I KNOW he won't be home for dinner on Saturday or Sunday).  We came home and unloaded the groceries.  I got to work.  I did a load of laundry (only one because my husband did at least one while I was away...and while I was away I did my own small load).  I did some "death administrative work."  I picked up copies of my dad's death certificate (so now I can start working on the next steps.)  And as I was getting ready for an early lunch, I realized that I never started dinner.  Now, I still had time to crock.  (So we'll eat a little later, no big deal.)  However, it bothered me that I completely forgot about it.

 I am trying to take too many big bites of elephant, aren't I?  

(There's still a business email that I began composing early this morning that I haven't finished or sent.)

Too many bites of elephant!  (And to be honest, I never completely finished the last elephant -- completely finishing up some administrative tasks from when my mom died last year.)

I'm going to stop writing this now and I'm going to TRY to stop beating myself up.  (Good luck with that!)  I'm going to take a few minutes and go lie down in the cool(ish), dark bedroom and watch a few minutes of mindless something on tv.  (Because:  MINDLESS!)  Then I'll be back to tackle a few more bites of elephant.


 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We Have Taken America Back

Image
Back to a time when all men (and women) are not created equal.  Where women's healthcare is determined by men's laws and not by medical professionals. Where education tells only the "winning" side of the story and truth does not matter.  Where banning and burning books is a social event.  Where people who are "different" than those in power can be mocked, shunned and hurt with no real consequences. Where lies are acceptable and integrity is  just a word on a page We have moved into a time where rage is the rage.  Where hate is not just normal, but accepted and even cheered. Where leaders can ask to have their "enemies" killed and no one will bat an eye.  Where it's "funny" to see someone struggle.  Where felony is applauded. Where compassion is not shown and caring for others is looked down upon. We have taken America back to a time of pain and suffering for many.  Back to when the "haves" can have and the have nots don'
Read more

It's Not About Starbucks (or is it)?

Image
  About a block and a half from my home in a major intersection.  At the southeast corner (which is nearest to me), is an empty building.  Back in 1995 it was a Bank of NY (I remember this because they didn't shovel/de-ice their parking lot well and my husband fell and broke his ankle one Monday morning.  I recall this clearly because we were not yet married and it was the first day of a new job for me.  I had gotten on the bus to work and he was catching a later one; only he never got there.  Instead he ended up laying on the ground until an employee came to open up the bank.  Then he had them call an ambulance AND my mother who took control of the situation until I arrived home that night blissfully unaware of what had happened that day.)  It eventually became a Chase Bank; the second one in my small little town.  It eventually closed.  I'm not sure when but it's been empty for quite a long time.  (I do know that it was open in 2005 because the night before my son was bor
Read more

As Is

Image
  Today I want to discuss what I think it is a relatively simple concept, but may be difficult for some, even an attorney who might have once, over a decade ago won a  prestigious award  for young lawyers .  That term is "AS IS." As you may know, I volunteer in a thrift shop.  Everything we sell, from all the donations we receive, is "as is."  The items are not brand new.  They are not perfect.  That doesn't mean they aren't any good or worth something. They are sold "as is."  Buyers should go in knowing that. (After all you are shopping in a thrift shop!)  In some cases, particularly when we are offering higher end products, we will actually write on the price tag, "as is." Such is the case of two designer purses that I purchased from there this summer.  (I'm a purse-aholic!  Don't look in my closet.)  They were reasonably priced (especially when you consider the name brand), but each had an "as is" clearly marked o
Read more