Belonging
I recently finished Michelle Miller's book Belonging: A Daughter's Search for Identity Through Loss and Love. It is a powerful memoir and it got me thinking about my own sense of belonging, or lack thereof. It got me thinking that probably ALL of us are looking for that sense of belonging.
As a child, Michelle doesn't fit into any neat category. Do any of
us? There must be someone out there who does, or who feels as though they
do. I never felt like I fit in. (Honest revelation: I still
don't feel that I do.) I think as a child I was cute, but not THAT
cute. I was "chubby," a term/group that no one wants to belong
to. (I can still feel the sting of the elementary school "bully" who
made fun of me when I wore my orange parka.) I was smart, but didn't
belong to the group of really smart students and when I ended up in
"advanced" classes in high school, I never felt like I completely
belonged. I was part of the music program, but did I really belong?
I wasn't a good musician, I was mediocre. I was involved in the drama
club, but I didn't belong to the "elite" group that were cast in the
big lead roles of the musicals. (Which were "THE" thing.")
I tried to belong at college. I went to a small college that was
comfortable for me. I started out as nursing major; I definitely didn't
belong there. I ended up as a communications major. I did
"okay" there, but I never felt a part of the communications
department. My advisors didn't really "know" me. I sort
of fit in with the drama department (I minored in drama and probably should
have double majored). I had some sense of belonging there, but not
completely. Those who really belonged (at least in my eyes) were in the
work study program. I fit, but I didn't necessarily belong.
Even all these years later (more years than I care to admit), both in high
school and in college, I never felt like I belonged when I went to the
cafeteria. Who could you sit with? What if your friends weren't
there? How could I manage being alone? I should have brought a book
and sat at some small corner table. Maybe I did? I know there were
times when I passed up regular meals at the dining hall because of my fear of
being unwelcome; of not belonging. (But I never gave up eating...food has
always been there to comfort me when I felt like I didn't belong.)
While searching for a college for my son, I made sure we visited the campuses
of the schools he was interested in because I felt (and still do) that a sense
of belonging was as important as academics. I wanted him to find a school
that fit his academic needs as well as his personality. It appears that
we have found that in Wagner
College. Of course only time will tell, but I feel a sense of belonging and
being a part of a community (academic or otherwise) is key to a
"successful" (or at least happy) 4 years of higher education.
As an adult, I think I have done many things, for better or worse, to try to
belong to a group or organization. I suppose I do fit in some places, but
do I truly belong? I still feel like an imposter in many situations.
In others, I wonder if I've done enough. What do people think? Do
they know that I do not belong? Yes, as a 50+ year old woman, I am still
figuring out where I belong.
I'm guessing (hoping?) that I am not the only one who is still trying to figure
out how and where they belong. Maybe that's all part of our life long
journey? At least it feels like it will
continue to be part of mine.
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