My Mother's Day Backstory

Yesterday being Mother's Day, I decided to give my son a "gift" (of sorts), the story of how he got to us.  Not just the story, but the backstory.  The whole long ride as I remembered it.  So I fully admit that this story might not be completely truthful or accurate, but it is what my addled brain still has left in it.

Back in the early 2000s, your dad and I decided that we were going to try to have a baby.  It didn't work the usual way, so eventually, on the recommendation of a friend who was a physician, we went to see a fertility doctor.  He had no personality and reminded me of a  planaria worm.  (Inserted photo for those of you who have no clue what I am talking about.)

I went to his office, spent hours waiting to meet him and then never saw him again because I ended up on a schedule that didn't match his. It's all about your cycle. You have to go and have blood drawn just about every other day.  You have to order drugs; which didn't arrive on time and cost a fortune, and have them injected into your stomach area.  Your dad did for me. Luckily I have a lot of flab so he would just jab me in my fat tummy and then, at a certain time during the process, he’d have to give me this other shot in my behind. Then (I know you're thinking how long does this go on...it goes on) on two consecutive days we would have to go into the doctor's office (no matter what day of the week it was) and your dad would have to go into a special room and "do his thing" in a little paper cup.  Then I would go in and they would "inject it." I know this is gross and disgusting, but it's what we did for nearly a year.  We'd follow the process; it wouldn't work, I would have to take a month off and then we'd start all over again.  It was not pleasant and I was like so crazed with hormones and eventually the insurance company didn't want to pay for the treatment so we gave up.

 Next, we decided we're going to try adoption. Another friend who was a lawyer said she knew an adoption attorney.  She warned us that this attorney was she's kind of a b**** (BOY was she!) but she would get the job done. Your dad and I went to see her, she wanted a lot of money and we had to do a lot of work.  There were lots of forms, fingerprinting and we put together little booklet that showed potential birth mothers who we were. This attorney came up with a couple of potential people, but they all fell through. 

 Finally, after several years of you know trying the fertility treatment and then deciding to try adoption, your father and I took a vacation.  (We hadn't gone away in a LONG time) We stayed with friends at a resort and the reservation was in their name. At the time we didn't have a cell phone (yes, such a time existed), but we told the attorney we were going to be away.  We told her office we were going to be at a specific resort but if they called the reservation was under our friend’s name. If hey need anything to call us at the resort and use our friends’ name. That didn't happen, but guess what? When we came back from vacation they were numerous messages on our answering machine saying "we might have a baby for you why aren't you answering your calls?" and "If you don't return this call tomorrow you won't have the baby." Needless to say we were pretty upset.   When your father called the office he was pretty angry (understandably so). The lawyer actually said to your father after he said we weren't happy with how things were going, "if you don't use me you will never have a baby. You will never adopt a baby." 

 That was that.  We took a little break to try and figure out what our next step was.  That step was to find an adoption agency and there are a LOT of them.  We settled on one and started the process ALL OVER again. (That includes getting finger printed again!)

 Just about another year goes by.  It's now 2005 and we've been going through this process (fertility doctors, lawyers and finding a new agency) for several years.  It's almost time for us to "renew" our application with the agency (yes, that means more money) and in all honesty I'm thinking this is f****** crazy; maybe we shouldn't do this. Then, while I am completely unavailable and in a meeting in NYC, your dad gets a call from the agency. Your birth mother had seen our profile I decided she wanted to talk to us okay.  Your dad flipped out.  He tried to call me, but despite having several cell phones at this time (personal and work) I was completely unavailable.  When he finally got a hold of me, I was a mess.  I was stuck in meetings in the city and all I wanted to do was be at home with him so that we could process. (Which didn't happened until much later that evening!)

 The next step was that the agency set up a conference call between us and your birth mother with a woman from the agency facilitating the call.  There are certain things that we are not supposed to say and she is not supposed to ask...like what our last name is and where exactly we live.  When we finally have the call, what do you think the first thing she asked us was?  Where do you live?  

 Nonetheless we had a really great conversation.  The funny thing was that it didn't have a lot to do with you!  We discussed music; because we had similar tastes. We talked about theater. (All of us had seen the musical that would win the Tony that year)  We talked about books.  (We were all big fans of Stephen King.) It was so comfortable and casual, that the woman at the adoption agency had to jump in and get us back on track (so to speak).

 About 2 months later we drove went up to meet her and her family.  We really wanted to make a  good impression.  When you want to make a good impression generally you dress up, but this was not a job interview (or maybe it was?) Your father did something that most people might not, he wore a rather worn t-shirt of famous classic rock band.  We checked into our hotel and called her (from a pay phone!).  She came over to meet us, and wouldn't you know it the t-shirt was the first thing she commented on. Yes, later we all dressed up and went out to dinner with her family, but to this day I am convinced that what "clinched the deal" and the reason why you are here is because your dad wore that t-shirt.  And for that I will always be truly grateful.




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