Cold Hearted B

 For many years I have never had a pet. Mostly that has to do with the fact that I have terrible allergies. So having cat or a dog is out of the question.  It made it difficult for my son who admittedly loves cats. It's just something we can't have not have. 

 As a result of not having a pet I have become that cold-hearted b****. I don't understand the pain that comes with the loss of a pet. I just don't get it. Or I just didn't get it. Recently his cold-hearted b**** has had karma slap me straight in the face. 

 When my husband and I purchased a house in the Poconos, it came with a pond. That pond was full of koi.  I know the previous owner loved the koi. Each one had a name. They were many of them and they kept having more babies, so some were unnamed.

I loved sitting outside this past summer. I'd watch them swim. Sometimes they would leap out of the water. When I would feed them with their favorite snack Cheerios, they would rush to nibble them.  It was fun. It was a joy that I had not previously known.

 With the winter months coming around, I arranged for the pond company to prepare it for the winter. There was to be no more feeding. The plants that grew in the pond were removed. A heater was put in. A net was put over the ponds to keep the pond clean from falling leaves.  It was exactly what had been done in years prior.  

All was well and good. 

I'll admit I hadn't been outside to check on them often. There was no need to. Every time I looked they were happy. But after Thanksgiving I really didn't check in on them much. It got colder, but the pond was still warm with the heater and the bubbler going.

 But something went wrong. Something went very wrong and I don't know what. My husband and I went out to the yard to check on matter unrelated to the pond.  However, being out back, I walked around by the pond. I noticed that one of the larger fish was floating. He was dead. My heart dropped. I continued around the pond. I saw several other fish that were not moving. I tried not to panic. There were still some smaller fish swimming around. Something was very wrong. 

I went back inside the house and texted the pond company. I waited an hour and when there was no response I messaged them via social media. Another hour passed with no response and I sent an email. I must note that all of these messages were sent before 10:00 in the morning. 

The owner of the pond company got back to me a little after 10:00. I explained that some of the fish had died and I would like him to come out. Unfortunately he was unavailable that day but promise to come by the next. 

 I'm sure he thought I was a hysterical idiot.  I wish I was. When he came out to assess the situation, his jaw dropped. He was a shaken as we were. In the 24 hours since we had spoken nearly all of the fish were dead.  

He could see no reason why. He had never seen anything like it. He took a water sample and treated the water but felt it was probably too late. Whatever had happened, it was too late to stop. Nearly all of the fish that we had taken care of; that he had taken care of were now dead. There was no explanation. (The water was tested and everything came back normal.)

I never would have thought that something like this could have happened. I never would have thought that this would shake me so much. I carry with me guilt even though I am told that there is nothing that I could have done nor is there anything that I did wrong.  There is no answer for the question “what happened.”   But still it haunts me.

 This time I won't forget this pain. For all of you who have lost a pet; I understand now.  A part of you is crushed and taken.  My lack of compassion is a thing of the past. 

 I am no longer a cold hearted b****.  I never will be again.  If you lose a beloved pet, I am here for you now and always.  That's a promise that I will never break.