Givers and Moochers


After three years I am finally back (with my husband) at the Fest.  The last gathering was in March of 2019, and we fully expected to continue working the event (hubby heads up video and I try to be there to help and support him, which means I don't see much of the actual "show") in 2020.  The NY Metro event (held in NJ) is usually held in late March.  That couldn't happen in 2020 and 2021, but here we are again in 2022.  It's a little strange...lighter crowds (understandable), masks requested in some places, but not others (understandable) and the empty spaces where people used to be who are no longer with us.

It makes the gathering bittersweet.  It is great to see friends, acquaintances and those who we just "know" for the first time in a long time.  But there are holes; people who hold a special place in our hearts who are no longer physically here, but in our hearts will remain.

To that end, I did a little tribute to my/our friend Ed (  My husband did as well.  Mine was a small physical "art" piece that some people got and some did not.  My husband's was a "tag" that he put on the end of some of the video loops that he ran.  (I wish I could find a clip on it online so everyone could see, but...well I guess it's one of those things where you had to be there.)  Ed not being "here" on this weekend was something that really hit me.  It was important for me that I have a space in what I would deem "our" area, but is clearly my husband's, to honor him in my way.

That tribute was physically moved (with I am assuming, my husband's approval) to make way for something else.  This action made me realize how you can often divide people into givers and moochers.  Givers are not always just the people who give you something physically (like food or drink), but who might give spiritually or emotionally.  Then there are the moochers; those who are looking to make a buck or get something without considering or caring how it might impact others.

In general, my friends, our friends, are givers.  I am a giver (or at least I think I am).  My husband (for the most part is as well.)  That's probably why we fit so well together as friends.  We care for more than just ourselves; we look out for the needs and feelings of those around us.  (This is something I am striving to teach my son. It's not easy nor is it something that comes naturally, especially when it comes to a teenager.  There are times when I think we have failed, but thankfully there are others when I see kindness, compassion and sharing shining through and my heart fills with warmth and pride.) Sadly, there are a few who are looking to find only what they can get.  That is frustrating and hurtful.  Quite frankly (and maybe this is because I am an "old" lady) it really pisses me off.

I'd like to say that I am not looking for something in return for my own kindness.  I'd LIKE to say that, but maybe that is not true.  I do perhaps expect, but more importantly HOPE that when a good turn is done for someone, whoever it might be, that the person might act in kind.  Might show some appreciation or thanks.  Might be more mindful or thoughtful.  I guess I expect that and when it doesn't happen...well I get angry.  (Thankfully this event is held in a relatively large hotel/venue so I can walk away and try to calm myself.  Of course, to be truly honest, that hasn't worked out very well as of now; otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here writing this.)

As I take a deep breath (or many), I DO realize and am grateful, that most of the people that I have surrounded myself with do NOT fall into the moocher category.  That I am blessed with friends who are givers...I do not just mean givers who look after their friends but look after others in a variety of ways.  Friends who ARE charitable and warmhearted.  Who are not just looking out for their own interests.  And while we all want (and need) to make a buck, do so in such a way that it does not negatively impact someone else.  

As this weekend continues on, I will do my best to focus on that.  The many good friends that I have been blessed to be surrounded with this weekend.  As for the "bad apple(s") who will crop up.  I'll do my best to move on.   (Although knowing my temperament, that may NOT happen.)    As Fred Rogers once said: "The real issue in life is not how many blessings we have, but what we do with our blessings. Some people have many blessings and hoard them. Some have few and give everything away."


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