Memory

I went for my morning walk today, as I do most mornings.  I was listening to the 2nd season of the podcast, The Plot Thickens (I recommend it if you are fascinated by the behind the scenes movie stuff.)  I was approaching my favorite bagel place which is approximately a mile away from my house. I didn't hear the app "voice" tell me that I had gone a mile in x minutes.  (And the x is getting longer; those 17 minute miles are a thing of my past.)  I pulled out my phone (which is a pain when you are using hand weights) and saw that although I had opened the app, I hadn't started it. 

This bothered me.  This is the 2nd time over the past 3 days that the app hasn't recorded my mileage correctly.  On Sunday I had started the app, but somehow it had gotten paused and I didn't notice it and again it wasn't until I had gone to what I figured was about a mile and hadn't heard the voice that I caught the problem.  It's not the error in mileage that bothers me (or perhaps I should say that bothers me that much), it's that I FORGOT to start the app.

I'm in my 50s and my memory is not what it used to be.  Although maybe it was never that good to start with.

I've become hyper-aware lately of forgetfulness.  As I started writing this I couldn't remember the name of the podcast that I mentioned (although I did know what it was about and that it was a TCM "product").  On Sunday I forgot that I had laundry that needed to be done.  There have been plenty of times when I have forgotten a load in the dryer.  I forget words.  I find it all frustrating.

It doesn't help that I recently read Morningside Heights in which one of the main characters, a man about my age, suffers from Alzheimer’s.  While I may forget some things, I haven't forgotten the movie Still Alice where Julianne Moore is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s.  (It's a powerful movie, if painful to watch.)  Finally, there was my maternal grandfather who most like had Alzheimer’s and spent his last years in a nursing home, not the person that I knew and loved.

While I hardly think that some forgetfulness and (what I see as) minor memory loss is cause to panic, it still stick in my craw.  (To use a phrase that reflects my age.)  Philosophically I can say whatever is going to happen is going to happen.  But being aware of family history (whether it pertains to mental health or vascular health or any kind of genetic predisposition) is important.  Knowing that there was a history of high blood pressure in my family, I didn't hesitate to go on medication when my physician noticed it.  I also made some dietary changes and lost some weight (although that's a battle that I will never fully win) which has resulted in lower my dosage.  And while there is no magic bullet to improve memory (although there are some advertisements out there that would have you think otherwise, but that's another story), there are things that I CAN do to help myself.  

I can eat better. I can take supplements that might help.  I can get more sleep (no laughing here please).  I can also try to reduce my stress level (again no laughter), which I am sure contributes to my lapses.

One thing that I definitely WILL do is focus on the task at hand as best I can.  I'd like to think of myself as a great multi-tasker, but maybe that's not such a great thing.  Distractions are everywhere and it's no wonder I forget.  If I have to be pulled away from something, I should leave myself a reminder; be it a simple sticky note (who doesn't love a sticky note) or electronic one.  (There's an app for that!)  The resources are there:  I need to use them!

I also need to take heed of the words of Paul Simon:  "Slow down, you move too fast." 

While those are not good words for my morning walk, I (and probably all of us) need to slow down.  I am guilty of racing around (again, not focusing on one thing at a time).  We all know that slow and steady wins the race, so why don't we apply it?  It's time I (at the very least) tried.

Finally, I'm going to keep writing.  Memories fade for everyone...but writing down life stories (and even facilitating those words with photos) can help keep the memories alive.  Even if some day they are not for me.