Recently I had an experience where I felt...nothing. I don't want to get into all the details because it's just a bit too personal and raw right now to share. (Go and say that I'm copping out! I am!) But I was expecting something; in the past I had felt something, but this time there was: nothing.
The best example I can give of this experience (and this is totally made up) would be perhaps to have gone to see the Beatles perform live in concert in the 1960s and NOT have screamed, yelled or fainted. Imagine being in the middle of such an experience and feeling nothing.
This nothingness really bothered me. It continued to bother me. What the heck was/is wrong with me. I SHOULD be feeling something...
Then the lyrics to a song from "A Chorus Line" popped into my head. The song is of course titled: "Nothing." And even though I haven't seen the show (or even the not so great in my opinion movie) in ages or played the cast album (or heard it on Sirius XM's Broadway channel), they blasted loud and clear in my head.
"And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul, came up to the top of my head.
And the voice from down at the bottom of my soul, here is what it said:
"This man is nothing! This course is nothing! If you want something, go find another class.
And when you find one You'll be an actress."
And I assure you that's what fin'lly came to pass."
Instead of being depressed and wondering what was "wrong" with me, I was inspired. There is NOTHING wrong with me. There may be nothing "wrong" with the situation. What IS wrong is the match between the two. And to let myself just be nothing is wrong. I am capable of doing something; of finding something that works for me.
Everyone does not fit everything. Maybe the majesty of the mountains fills your soul, but when you go to the beach you feel nothing. In which case I would say, vacation in the mountains and ignore the shore! If you are in a class and it is not working for you; you have the ability to find another class. (Or perhaps another teacher for that subject; that can make all the difference in the world.) If you are in a relationship or a job and you are not being fulfilled; you are NOT "nothing." You CAN do something. You can find something that will fulfill you. I'm not saying it's easy. (Sometimes it may be incredibly difficult.) But don't let yourself be filled with nothing. You are NOT nothing. You are worth something.
Let me say it loud and clear: YOU ARE SOMETHING.
Get up and find the something. Do not let nothing fill your soul. There IS something out there for you. Be bold and find it. And if that's scary, know that you can do so slowly...you don't have to immediately into a new pool. You can dip your toe in and see if the temperature is right for you. And if it's not, try another pool.
Don't let yourself be nothing. If I know anything in this world at all it is that you are SOMETHING. Go out and find it...