The Great Lie: We've Always Done It That Way...
It's a dreaded phrase: we've
always done it that way. Or: it's always been that way. It's
also a big fat lie.
Everything
in life changes. NOTHING stays the same. To say it's always been that way
cannot be true. To say we've always done it that way in reality means
that it's been done that way as far as I can remember and I want it to stay
that way. (While not a great answer; it is at least an honest one.)
Traditions
must begin somewhere. Traditions can be good. But traditions do not
HAVE to last forever. Life changes. What once might have been a
very valid tradition and one that was best for or enjoyed by the majority; it's
not ALWAYS going to be the case. People get older. People move
away. A person's life ten year ago can be very different than it is
now. (Heck, a person's life 5 years ago or even a year ago can be very
different!) Things change and for something (or someone) to be
successful, traditions and actions need to change too.
We've
always done it that way is a cop out. It's clinging to the past when the
rest of the world has moved on. What once might have worked and been a
beautiful thing might NOT work in our current society. (On the flip side,
something that was "given up" might come back into style...you never
know.)
We
cannot cling onto something because of what it once was. We can treasure
traditions. We can hold onto memories of how things once were. But
we should not and CANNOT force old ideals just because that's the way it USED
to be.
A
perfect example from my own life is that we always used to have holiday meals
at my parents’ house in the evening. But after I got married and had a
child, it just didn't work well any more. There was more stress as a
result of preserving the tradition than there was enjoyment. The memories
that were being made were not good ones. Thankfully, we all recognized
that. We discussed what wasn't working and came up with a new plan.
And for the past several years, I have been hosting 2 out of three holiday
meals mid-afternoon. It has worked out very well and I'm so glad we
didn't stick to the way that things always used to be. (Which to be honest,
weren't always that way. If I go back to MY childhood there were
different traditions that had to change and evolve over time.)
This
year, a change in residence, is going to result in a change in tradition as
well. I'm not sure how things will work out and what we will do.
However, I have accepted (as has everyone else involved) that things will have
to change. It's okay. New traditions will be created and certainly
as time goes on, these traditions will change again.
Don't
get stuck in the "it's always been that way" trap. When it
comes to traditions, events and the like, take a hard look. Are things
still working? Is the event still enjoyable? Is the work put into
worth the end result? There is nothing wrong with letting go.
As a matter of fact if we were courageous enough to let go of the things that
cause us stress and make us unhappy, we might find that our lives were
enhanced. (It would certainly aid in our sanity.)
Everything
on our planet changes. Remember that even the continents have
changed over the centuries. (Anyone study/remember Pangaea?)
NOTHING has always been that way...EVERYTHING is in some sort of state of
evolution/change.
If
it doesn't work; change it. Embrace necessary change; or at the very
least accept it and know that the only constant that there really is, IS
change.
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