Dear Dad: 90

 


Dear Dad,

If the world was fair (and we know it is not) we would have been celebrating your 90th birthday today. I would have taken the day off and come down to see you.  And in the fantasy world, Steve & James would have come too.  You would be 90, but mobile.  I would have brought you a cake (vegan so I could eat too).  We would have talked about the Knicks win last night.  

You LOVED basketball so much and I wish you were here to watch these games.  Let's face it, I don't care about the game (sorry), but I am thrilled at how NY is doing (except for game 3 which was cursed with bad juju and we don't want to talk about that) and how this uniting the tristate area (and other areas as well I suspect).  Again, while I am not a fan of the game or any team in particular, I LOVE the enthusiasm and the joy that this is bringing to the area.  Anything that brings people together is a good thing in my book.

I think of all the games you missed...you watched just about every sporting event there was to be televised.  I know football and basketball were favorites.  And if Bucknell was playing ANY sport and it was (miraculously) on tv, you would be watching.  You WOULD be watching.


I wish you were here for so many reasons.  Your last birthday in 2023 isn't what I want to remember.  I want to remember "real" birthdays and celebrations.  And that's not what your last birthday was.  Not by a long shot.

There are so many celebrations that I wish you had been around for.  So many accomplishments that your grandson had made that you aren't around to witness.  That sucks.  It makes me angry.  I makes me sad.  It frustrates the hell out of me.

I know I should be grateful for the time we DID have.  I AM grateful for that.  It's just that I wanted more.  (Doesn't everyone?)  Of course what I wanted was more of "healthy" dad. (And mom as well for that matter.)  We needed less hospitals. Less rehabs.  More time on the bay.  More time at the beach.  More boat rides.  More crab "races."  More good times.

I realize that I am now the same age you were when I got married.  (That is scary!)  I love you, but I don't want to encounter the health issues that popped up in the years following.  I'm doing my best to keep on top of things to postpone any "decline."  I know that some things are inevitable, but I' trying to stave them off.  I want to learn from your experiences.

I see more of you in myself.  I so clearly have your skin; not just wrinkles (like that huge one across my forehead) but all the lumps and bumps that no one wants to have.  I am having some feet issues, which was a thing for you as well.  But I think mine are more like mom's (just like I have her "flabby" arms, heavy legs and belly that I can't seem to get rid of).  Sometimes when I look in the mirror and see this "old" face, I also see you.  Let me be honest, I'd rather see young me and young you.

On this hot and humid Thursday, as every June 11th, I'm remembering all the fun and all the laughter.  (Foster's Crab Stick has a special place for display at the house in the Poconos.)  I'll remember all the birthdays and celebrations.

I'll remember you.


Love,

Me

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friday's Special Surprise

Image
Is there any one of us who does not like to be treated specially?  I mean each of us is unique and special in our own way, but to be picked out for a special task or special honor is always a wonderful treat. Just the other day I was blessed with a very special invitation.    Let me back track a year or so. When my husband and I moved the Pocono Mountains, in town there was a building that was obviously once a medical building/doctor’s office. I was disappointed that there was no longer a town doctor in the building and I hate seeing such a nice little place being unused. However, I found out that it was going to be turned into a coffee house. I love my coffee! I was thrilled to learn that our little village was going to have one of its own.    What I didn't know at the time was all of the hard work that was already going on behind the scenes to open this amazing little gem.    We have been here for nearly 2 years, but we don't know that many peo...
Read more

Vaccine

Image
  Today my husband is getting his Covid-19 vaccine.  He has been waiting for this day for a LONG time.  (Haven't we all?)  He fits the current age requirement (currently 55+ in NJ) and has underlying conditions that make him eligible (high blood pressure and diabetes.)  He's understandably nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time. I know I will feel the same way when it is my turn.  I am still under 55 (at least for another 2 months).  Although I still take blood pressure medication, my dosage is extremely low and I only take it every other day.  (This is with the doctor's approval; and when I next go for a physical I may ask if it is still necessary.  I was much heavier when I started this regime.)  I do not know my BMI and it may or may not meet the current BMI ≥ 25 kg/m2 requirement. (I'm not even sure what that means.)  Although I am still overweight (I want to say slightly, but I don't know if that's fair), I am...
Read more

We Have Taken America Back

Image
Back to a time when all men (and women) are not created equal.  Where women's healthcare is determined by men's laws and not by medical professionals. Where education tells only the "winning" side of the story and truth does not matter.  Where banning and burning books is a social event.  Where people who are "different" than those in power can be mocked, shunned and hurt with no real consequences. Where lies are acceptable and integrity is  just a word on a page We have moved into a time where rage is the rage.  Where hate is not just normal, but accepted and even cheered. Where leaders can ask to have their "enemies" killed and no one will bat an eye.  Where it's "funny" to see someone struggle.  Where felony is applauded. Where compassion is not shown and caring for others is looked down upon. We have taken America back to a time of pain and suffering for many.  Back to when the "haves" can have and the have nots don'...
Read more