Hello Darkness My Old Friend...


If you're old like me, you know where the title line came from.  (If you're not Google it and then listen to it.  I prefer the original acoustic version, but that wasn't the version that charted.)  That song was running through my head this morning, for several reasons.

For one, it's dark when I wake up.  My eyes snapped open at 3:30(ish) this morning.  This usually only happens when I am in NJ (which I am), as I know I will have to get up within the hour if I want to exercise before I head off to work.  So in the darkness I headed out for my morning walk.  I walked for less than an hour and have noticed the trend that I am going slower.  I'd like to claim that it is the dark (although there are plenty of streetlights and other light pollution), but I think it also has to do with my left knee.  You know the one that I injured back in December of 2022 (https://bfthsboringblog.blogspot.com/2022/12/kneedy.html), it still gives me some issues.  It is stiff at times and I have some "discomfort."  I'm guessing it's not going to get better with time.  Is this foreboding of a knee replacement in the (near) future?  Knee experts chime in and if you have any tips on what I should or should not be doing, please let me know.  

Getting back on topic, it was dark this morning.  But it was also light...Not natural light however.  The light which guided me (somewhat) through my walk and shined in through my windows was all man made.  My neighborhood is flooded with light from streetlamps (needed I know), front door/porch lights, Halloween decorations and lights, but most of all security lights from the businesses nearby that shine like klieg lights (Google it if needed.)  It's a lot of light!  (It's too much light in my opinion.)  It's not "friendly" light.  (That's my term and I'm sticking to it.)

Darkness can be my friend and it is when I am in the Poconos.  While we do have porch light and perimeter lights around the property, they are "normal" strength and they go off after several hours.  (Which hopefully save me costs on electricity...I nearly died when I got my first PPL bill and also cuts down on light pollution.)  There is very little light seepage in the house and it is DARK in our bedroom., which may be why I sleep much better when I am there.  (Couple that with very little noise, with the exception of nature definitely helps.)  If I leave the curtains open, I can see stars clearly (and I suspect I will be able to see them even better in the winter when the trees lose their lives.)  It is this darkness that I like.

Darkness is NOT my friend when it lasts longer than I'd like.  For example, a month ago I could catch the 6:33 bus and it was light out.  This morning, the sun hadn't peaked over the horizon yet.  I know as we approach November and December, the darkness will be even darker.  (Does that make sense?).  I have purchased a "glow stick" (not exactly, but it's a good description) that I've clipped to my backpack.  It's not to help me see, but to make me see-able!  I stand in a relatively well-lit area in the morning to catch the bus (right by a traffic light and gas station), but I want to make sure that I am seen when I cross the street.  (I will especially want to be seen in the winter if I take the bus that lets me off where there is no traffic light and I have to fight traffic to try and make my way across 4 lanes of traffic, with cars that zoom around the bend and could care less about me.)  Pretty soon it will be dark not only when I leave in the morning, but nearly so when I get home.  (Depending on which bus I am able to catch and the amount of traffic it encounters.)

There is also another kind of darkness that often envelops us during this time of year; the darkness inside of us.  With less light, depression can often overwhelm us.  Depression doesn't rely on a specific time of year to hit, but it seems to me to hit harder during those cold, dark months.  Don't let the darkness enwrap you.  (Easier said than done, I know.)  Know that you are NOT alone.  That everyone fights the darkness at some point in the lives.  Some can pull out of it with seeming ease, others have a longer, harder fight.  Know that you are not alone.  There is help out there.  Don't be afraid to get it.  You are not alone.  Be brave.  Reach out.  Ask for help.  Give help.  Speak out.  Listen.  I know this all sounds trite, but it IS true.  Whatever you feel, your feelings are your own and they are real.  Remember that the dark will not last forever (although it may seem that way); there will be light.  There WILL be light.



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