I received an email the other day which was rather negative
and upsetting to me. I got upset. I got slightly angry. I got ready to draft a nastygram in response,
but I didn't. For the first time (maybe
the first time ever), I used some common sense and did what I've been told by
friends to do. I took time and I didn't
lash out. Instead I tried to use grace
and to my surprise the grace came back threefold (maybe more) although not
necessarily from the person that sent the email. Let me explain.
Several months ago, there was an opportunity to take ownership of a
monthly newsletter. To be clear, this
is/was a volunteer opportunity. The
person who had been handling it for years was no longer able to do it. I was ready to step up, but I was relatively
new to the organization and I knew I didn't have the same talent that the
previous person had. I also knew that
she was beloved and that people had come to expect the newsletter to be
presented in a certain way. So I thought
about it and I approached the head of the organization and said if no one else wanted
to do it (because this newbie didn't want to stand in the way or make any
waves), I would be happy to do so with the understanding that I would do my
best to emulate what had been done in the past, but that my strengths were
different from hers and it was going to look a little different. It was pointed out to me that the newsletter
couldn't stay the same and that I would have to put my mark on it because I am
me and not her.
So, with some trepidation and guidance from the previous
owner, I took over the September issue.
I sent an email out to all the contributors asking for them to send in
their "stuff" a little earlier than usual since I didn't really know
exactly what I was going to do. I asked
for patience and guidance. For the most
part, I received just that. I put everything together and sent it to the two
proof readers/administrators for their review before having it emailed
out. I got some very good advice from
one about the placement of articles based on timeliness; something I hadn't considered
because I was so consumed with keeping everything in the order that it always
had been. I appreciated the feedback and
went with the edits suggested. The
newsletter was sent out and that was that.
I received some very kind thanks you and with the middle of
the month being upon us (and me having some time off from work), I sent my
second email reminding contributors to get their information in as soon as they
could.
That's when I got this disparaging email from one of the
people on the list. In a nutshell this
person said: "I was not happy with your re-formatting as you did... If
this happens again, I will not be sending any more announcements... Simply
insert the flyer." (Somewhat
important note: I never received a
digital copy of the flyer. There was a
printed copy out there, which I never did see, so what I did was copy over what
had been done the previous month with the information that I did have.)
I was hurt. I was
pissed. And for once, I didn't
immediately react and send back my own email.
I took some time to compose myself and then responded (with only a
little bit of snark): "I am sorry
you were unhappy with the page in the newsletter. If you will attach a copy of your flyer and
email back to me I should be able to insert it exactly as is into the October
issue." I felt good about it as I
focused on being kind and understanding.
It seemed to work somewhat as the response that came
back: "Will do but won't be able to
until next week...Sorry to be so harsh but I'm particular about this since I've
been doing this for...35 years now."
That wasn't exactly an apology, but it brought the
temperature of things down a bit and got me thinking about all that this person
must have done over 35 years. Again,
focusing on grace in the situation, I emailed back saying how impressed I was
with 35 years and perhaps we could put together a "Did you know"
article based on everything that this person had done in that time frame.
This really went over well!
"That is a great suggestion. I'm not sure I could come up with 35 years’
worth. I could try. My apologies for my previous email. It's just that after 35
years I'm very touchy about this."
Voila! Apology
received and the negative becomes positive.
I think what I did worked and I need to remember to do it again when
faced with a negative situation.
However, in full and complete fairness and honesty, when
this person sent me the negative email, it was in response to my email
requesting items for the October newsletter which I sent out to about a dozen
people. When responding to that email,
this person did not reply just to me, but to all on the list, including the
head of the organization. That person,
who has always exemplified grace to me, replied to all with an email which unsurprisingly
requested that every one of us should act with kindness and respect. The email's tone was one of understanding and
unity. For that I am truly grateful and
maybe that is where I have learned some of the lessons of grace. (I cannot credit just one person for
inspiring me.)
Have a learned that acting with grace rather than reacting
with anger or frustration works? I’d
like to say yes, but being human I have a feeling that I won’t always do
so. I have spent far too many years
rushing in with a reaction rather than pausing and responding with grace. But I will try. And maybe you can teach an old dog a new
trick.
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