The Empty Jar

 For at least 10 years (and that's a guess-timate), I've been keeping a gratitude/memories jar.  It's a jar full of strips of paper on which I (or anyone in my family, but you know that's mostly me), writes down something that we are grateful for or something that really made us happy.  So over the years it's been full of notes like:  Son wins art prize, husband's birthday bash, first flower blooms outside, etc.  (I think you get it.)  It gets filled every year and on the first day of the New Year, I empty it out and we read the strips of paper out loud to remind us of all the good stuff that has happened over the year.  Even in the difficult years (like the years when my parents died), the jar was still pretty full.

We are more than halfway through the first month of 2026 and the jar is empty.

That's not to say that there aren't things in my life (our lives) that we aren't grateful for.  We are all (relatively) healthy.  I still have a job.  My son had a small part time job over his winter break.  My son will be starting the spring semester of his junior year next week.  We have wonderful friends (although with all the snow we've been having, we haven't seen much of them.) These are things to be grateful for.  And we are grateful.

But still the jar remains empty.

For while I am grateful, I am also saddened.

I'm grateful that I can afford to buy groceries, even though I am paying more for less.  But I am saddened knowing that there are many who cannot purchase what they need. I am angry and saddened that children go hungry in school while food programs are cut.

I am grateful that I have health insurance, even though I am contributing more than I ever have and my deductibles and co-pays are higher than ever.  But I am saddened that there are so many are going without and may not be able to get the healthcare they need due to costs.  I am angered that people have and will die and that those medical professionals who want to and try to help are ignored or even vilified.

I am grateful that I have a job, even though I make less due to increasing healthcare and transportation costs.  But I am saddened to know how many are unemployed, how many work without benefits and how many have been "taken" from their jobs because they look like or might possibly be "illegal."  (A term I HATE.  It's an adjective.  I REFUSE to see it as a noun.)

I am grateful that I have clothes that keep me warm in the winter and cool in the summer.  That I have a wardrobe for all the seasons.  I am saddened knowing that there are those who don't have the "luxury" of a winter coat or properly fitting shoes.

I am grateful that I have a warm house, even as the costs of heating and other utilities continue to rise.  I am saddened as I know many cannot afford to heat their residences, if they are lucky enough to have a place to call a  home.

I am grateful for my family.  But I am angered, frustrated and saddened as I see families torn apart.  A child crying in the street as a parent is taken away, not by a trained law official, but a masked untrained thug unlawfully carrying out a crime while pretending to be something they are not.

Finally (and perhaps this is something I can put in my jar), I am grateful to have friends who are as saddened and angered as I am.  I am grateful that they, like so many hundreds of thousands (perhaps millions?) are tired of the senseless cruelty are working to do something about it.  I am grateful that people who DO care, who are kind and compassionate, will not let this continue.  I am grateful that we continue to use our voices and our actions to point out the injustices and try, however they may, to do something.  I am grateful for their voices of sanity amid the shouts of false narratives.  I am grateful for every helping hand.  (I see those helping hands.)

When the day comes when the wickedness is finally abolished, my empty jar will overflow with gratitude.