What Would I Say?

 Monday night I attended a church service entitled Women of the Cross.  A cross between a church service and a play, it imagines what women might have said to Jesus as he was crucified.  Women such as the wife of Pontius Pilate,  Anna the prophetess,  Mary Magdalene, etc.  This service has been offered in this specific church the Monday evening of Holy Week for the past several years.  It is powerful and moving.

The priest who began the service, asked us to listen and to think about what we might say to Jesus if we were at the cross.  Which, of course, got me thinking and here's what popped into my mind. 

    WTF Jesus?  I know, totally inappropriate, but I can't help it.  WTF?  How did this happen?  I mean, I KNOW how it happened, but I just can't wrap my head around it.  WHY?  Why did this have to be?  Why did we feel that we had to torture and kill a man who was kind and only wanted to help others?  Because those "others" weren't "like us?"  Why was a teacher, who taught compassion and kindness so derided?  How did this happen?  And why have we not learned?  Why do we do we not care?  Why do we not put a stop to this insanity?

    I think about this week.  How one day there were crowds singing your praises and just days later that same crowd (or mostly I assume) were calling for your death.  Why?  How?

    They were scared I suppose.  I know I AM scared.  I'll admit that just about everything in my life causes me anxiety and stress.  I TRY to trust in you, but fear can get the better of me.  My hearts pounds, my chest aches, my palms sweat and my mind races.  I turn to you for calm, but it doesn't come easy.  Fear is so powerful and overwhelming.  Your voice of calm is too often drowned out by my own anxiety.  But I keep trying, even when I fail.

    I think of those people waving their palm branches on Sunday.  Would I have been out there?  I think I would and to be honest, it wouldn't just be for you, but because it was "the thing" to do.  And I wonder if I would have been with that same crowd later in the week.  I want to say that I would never turn on you, but if I'm honest, I don't know what I would have done.  I am often weak, and I am scared that I would just go along with the rest of the group because it was easier and seemed safer.

    Those days in which you walked the earth were scary.  The time that I live in now is scary.  I am making an effort to follow you.  To walk in love with faith, but sometimes my fears and anxiety drag me away from you.  When they do, I am ashamed.  I try to put myself back on the right path.  I think of your new commandment:  " A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."  (Or as the song goes:  "they will know we are Christians by our love."  Not by our wallet size or by our popularity.)  As a human I will screw up, but I KNOW that I can get back on the path and be a sheep and not a goat.  ( Matthew 25:31-46, one of my favorite passages.)

    As the world around me continues to make me say WTF, be with me.  Let me be encouraged and not afraid.  Help me and guide me to be the person who will follow in your footsteps, despite the fear.  Help me to be the person who will speak out and who will act in the face if injustice.  (All while not understanding WHY such cruelty exists.)  Whisper in my ear to keep the faith and encourage me as I walk my own path, following in your footsteps so that hopefully this world can be a better place.

 



Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 15, 2025 at 10:38 AM

    Perfectly said, Beth. Especially now in 2025 when every day brings a "shocker." Keep on sharing your heart!

    ReplyDelete

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