Safe Mistakes

  If you watched Sesame Street in the 1970s you might remember Big Bird singing, "Oh everyone makes mistakes, oh, yes they do.  Your sister and your brother and your dad and mother too. Big people, small people, matter of fact, all people, everyone makes mistakes, so why can't you?"  It's a valid question.

I was in church on Sunday and during communion, the minister in charge made a mistake.  In fairness to him, the previous two weeks had been incredibly busy and at the early service on this Sunday there were more people than usual and a slightly different liturgy was being used, so things weren't "as usual."  As usual, he was served the bread and wine first.  Then he turned to the woman assisting him.  He offered her the bread and took the plate back.  He offered her the wine and took the chalice back.  Then he turned to get the plate again, which he would have given her and then she would have passed on to the next person.  Instead he took the plate and instead of handing it to her, went to give her the bread again.  Of course he immediately realized his mistake.  There was slight laughter among the group and someone said he was trying to "supersize" that person's faith.  (The term had been used in his sermon.)  A little more laughter and everything went on as usual.  Clergy can make mistakes too.

As a matter of fact, he often makes the mistake of skipping the portion of the service where birthday and/or anniversary blessings are given.  Again, in his defense, in most churches where there are two services on a Sunday morning, it's not done at the early service (which is smaller and shorter).  It's actually become a sort of running joke.  Not only can clergy make mistakes, but they are human too.  Can I get an "Amen"?

Now I write all this not to point out mistakes that this person has made.  Bear with me as I turn to someone else's mistake.  

It was about a year ago when I first attended services at this church.  I knew no one there and was grateful when someone came up to me and welcomed me.  She sat with me and made me feel less uncomfortable.  At least until the time when communion came.  At this particular service, things are done differently than I am used to.  The congregation goes up to the altar together.  When communion is given, the bread is passed from person to person, as is the wine/grape juice.  As it is passed, the person serving says something and the person receiving responds.  The response is simple:  amen.  I got that on the first go round.  The "serving" call is a little more complicated.  Okay, it's not complicated at all, but to a person who's never done it, its a little anxiety inducing.  Or at least it was for me.  I will admit that for the first couple of weeks, I barely whispered the words as I didn't want to "get it wrong" to call attention to myself.  

Then one week something happened.  The woman who served the rector took the bread, went to give it to him and said nothing.  She had forgotten the words.  He softly said to the words to her and she repeated them back.  Communion went on.  

After the service while having coffee she admitted that she was embarrassed that she just couldn't remember the words.  She said she always could remember what was said when serving the wine, but sometimes she forgot when she was serving the bread.  And while I don't remember exactly what I said to her, in my memory it was something like, “I'm grateful that you made a mistake. In doing so you gave me permission to make a mistake too.  Your error taught me/reminded me that this is a safe space to make a mistake."

I remember the first time I was asked to fill the pulpit at the church where I was baptized and confirmed.  I was VERY nervous.  I'd never done anything like it before.  However, when I got to my meditation, I looked out and I saw people that cared for me.  (It didn't hurt that my parents and husband were there that day as well.)  I realized that if I stumbled or made a mistake, it would be okay.  As a result, I've stepped up and spoken a dozen or so times there.  My son has also has been a lay reader with the assurance from me that if he makes a mistake, this is the place to make.  It is a place where he is loved and supported.

We allow children to make mistakes.  We expect children to make mistakes.  Mistakes help them learn and grown.  We often forget that it is the same for adults as well.  We are human.  We make mistakes.  And having a "safe space" to make those mistakes is essential to our well-being.  We all need a place/space where errors can be made and we can be comfortable enough to make them, knowing that there will be no judgement, but support and love.

I am glad that I have found a church where mistakes can be made without judgement.  I'm happy that it's where ANYONE can make a human error and not be made to feel like they are "lesser."  I'd like to think that most houses of worship would be like that, but...

In a world that is often cruel and unkind, I hope everyone has a safe mistake making space, whatever or wherever that place might be.